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Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

IVIaedhros - 06 May 07 - 3:33 PM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

Well first off, I can't see why you're disappointed with this chapter save for the fact that you've been building towards these moments for so. Frickin'. LONG.  I know how it feels.  No matter what you do, you can't seem to get the magic and finally, you just say, "Screw it".  However, no need to worry as your dedication carries you when the inspiration is lacking.  This was an excellent chapter...moving right along.

-First off, I want to suggest that you post this beast at Fanfiction.net  as well as the White Tree (I believe that's the name) and Scribe network.  FFN, especially, because this thing deserves a big audience. 

-It maybe because I haven't read this in a while, but your style seems to be moving closer to that of Tolkien.  I'm not sure if this is simply practice or because the scene lends itself to that language.  In any case, it's quite well done and very much suited to it.  

-"For there comes a moment, different for each man, when the demand of war overburdens him, and the enervated spirit finds nothing to propel it forward, to make the arm lift or the flesh cringe...." This little internal soliquey is very important, IMO, for understanding the mental states of these men.  They're going on a suicide mission to the literal hell on earth.   I'd like to see a bit more into their psychology.  You had some very good small moments that showed that...Pipin, of all, people was an excellent window.  He wondered how they could eat and there was that bit about how it was impossible to say good-bye.  A couple more similarly small, but more direct glimpses into the minds of these men gong off to such a hopeless death would go a long way.

- Oh my...he's dead.  Well, I can't say that it's unexpected, but geeze, what will blondie do now that he's run out of love mates?  Unless the ultimate super sue is dropped into his lap immediately after the battle, I expect Leggy to seek for the Haven's with all due speed and world-weary angst.  Unless, of course, he decides to marry Eowyn, hah.

-Ok...Strider just received Sam's head personally gift-wrapped from Mordor.  Now, given the circumstances...namely Legolas going into homicidal mode and the battle kicking off...it is perfectly understandable, nay, realistic that Sam's head is not dwelt upon and they can only spare a breathless comment about how it wasn't Frodo's head.  Still, if there's a way that you could realistically make the appearance of Sam's gift-wrapped head have more significance to the characters, take it.  This is a huge event.  A simple solution to consider...

"A Elbereth, no!

But the thing had to be played out, and so he drew off the veils, 'til at length Samwise Gamgee gazed back at him with lifeless brown eyes."

Ok, right around in that section, give us some sort of description of Aragorn...perhaps time seemed to slow, there was a spreading numbness and a detached desire to kill, he felt his hand moving as of its own accord to Anduriel, he could feel tears coming on, etc. 

-The reference to the Music was good, though it seemed oddly awkward and unnecessary somehow.  Don't get me wrong; I think it needs to be there...though not necessarily in that position.  It just feels oddly out of place.  Perhaps a more subtle reference via Legolas?  Ex...Aragorn's talking to Leggy when he turns pale and starts a bit.  What is it.  Leggy gives patented far-seeing look and mumbles something to the effect that the music has rejoined.

-I'm sorry, but I can't for the life of me figure out the Arrandir reference.  

-Your modification of the songs for Aragorn and the departing soldiers was wonderful and another one of those moments that helps to characterize what this story is all about.  There is no verse, no rhyme or tunning.  It's half rage, half delirium and all love.  

"Brief it may be. Nevertheless, it shall have been... in his victory, if in the end he has it."

I thought that was quite fitting as well. 

-"By mid-morning, the enemy was lodged half-way down the slope; by noon, they had pushed forward another twenty yards. And by early afternoon, Aragorn had left his place beneath the standard to join the circle of defenders, Legolas at his side."

Due to my utter lack of knowledge about medieval battles...sorry, I'm modern Army, I shoot crap...I disclaimer of lack of knowledge.  However, that time table seems to long to me, even if an enemy is going up that slope.  Sauron has trolls, Nazgul, who knows what other beasties, countless soldiers, and, from what I can tell, all the space in the world to maneuver.  Sauron likes to play with his food, but I think even he would be working through them quicker than what you have.  It would be a simple matter to encircle the western army (they only have, what, 5-7k?), and send the heavies through the ranks while showering the interior with projectiles.  

-I don't know how much energy you  have left after working on this thing for so long, but be sure you give all of the loose ends proper closure...Arwen, for example.  There's no need to go on, but a good paragraph is, I think, necessary for her.  Others include the individual spiritual/mental/physical states of the various survivors, the geopolitical situation, etc...once again, this doesn't have to be long.  Once you finish the story proper, perhaps a sixth of this chapter's length could accomplish your desires and still leave people begging for more, which is a good thing.  As much as we readers want everything to be explained, what's left to imagination is, in the end more powerful...it just can't be too abrupt an ending.

-Once you've finished this, give yourself some therapy by writing something really silly, short, silly and stupid...I think my favorite example is The Morning After: A Tale of Wanton Debauchery. 

Well, that's it.  No matter what else, I've enjoyed watching this.  I can only wait sadly as it comes to an end...you're probably anything, but sad. :D 

  

Go to Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

RS - 06 May 07 - 6:10 PM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

OH NO DWIM. You did it; I had to read it again to be sure. You actually did it.  I was hoping... praying...you would spare him.  I cannot believe this.  I am in disbelief.  I am sooo SAD. I'm kind of (excuse the term) pissed off.  I cannot even write right now.  This might just end the story for me. I don't even want to continue anymore.  I know it's just a story, but..... I have been so involved in this and for it to end up this way..... 

Kind of ironic...Legolas---the person being driven by hate and vengeance and not really caring what happens to himself--- is saved by Aragorn, the person with a little bit of hope left in this very bleak tale. 

Aragorn's death (is it really his death?--I'm still somehow hoping it's not) was beautifully written.  That's really all I can say right now.

The ending of this chapter is such a downer for me, Dwim.  Obviously this story made such an impact on me and I've grown to love your interpretation of these characters that even the death of some has not stop me from reading...til now.  Guess I can't handle it.

RS

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Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

IVIaedhros - 06 May 07 - 7:57 PM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

Heh, you've has obviously succeeded in people are this involved. 

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Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

oshun - 06 May 07 - 9:01 PM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

IVIaedhros and RV--Too bad that public comments appear to everyone! Including those who haven't had time to read this chapter yet! I couldn't stop myself from reading them, of course, but would have preferred to read Dwim's version first. LOL At least Legolas is still there (for now....).

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Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

oshun - 06 May 07 - 9:02 PM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

IVIaedhros and RV--Too bad that public comments appear to everyone! Including those who haven't had time to read this chapter yet! I couldn't stop myself from reading them, of course, but would have preferred to read Dwim's version first. LOL At least Legolas is still there (for now....).

Go to Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

Nath - 07 May 07 - 1:15 AM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

*whimper*

 Well done!

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Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

Nath - 07 May 07 - 7:16 PM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

-I'm sorry, but I can't for the life of me figure out the Arrandir reference.

In reply to IVIaedhros, I think I can...

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Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

RS - 07 May 07 - 9:10 PM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

Hi

I've finally calmed down to at least remember this: Arrandir.   This also puzzled me.

I, too, cannot figure out the Arrandir reference.  Please Dwimordene or Nath, enlighten us. The suspense is killing me.

RS

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Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

Dwimordene - 07 May 07 - 9:34 PM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

It's late and I'm pooped, so I shall leave longer replies 'til tomorrow. However, I did want to say 'thank you' for reading and for commenting. And there is one thing I can answer despite being tired.

On the Arrandir reference: this is a reference the reader is not necessarily supposed to understand immediately, although some might. I'll get back around to it eventually, but until then, the suspense will just have to stand.

Good night!

Dwim

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Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

Dwimordene - 09 May 07 - 9:18 AM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

Hi IVIaedhros,

Firstly, thank you for your extensive comments and suggestions - I shall definitely keep them in mind when at length I get back to this chapter.

Well first off, I can't see why you're disappointed with this chapter save for the fact that you've been building towards these moments for so. Frickin'. LONG. I know how it feels. No matter what you do, you can't seem to get the magic and finally, you just say, "Screw it".

God, that is so very apt a characterization! This chapter has been hard for me to conceptualize, and I ended up going with what I think is a less than optimal version (and even less than optimal for its being less than optimal, if you know what I mean) because I feel like I'm not in a position to write it according to a different structure. And I'm tired. But I need to have this off my mind. Ergo...

First off, I want to suggest that you post this beast at Fanfiction.net as well as the White Tree (I believe that's the name) and Scribe network. FFN, especially, because this thing deserves a big audience.

I actually had the first 20 or so stories I wrote at FFN, and then I left with the Great NC-17 Purge of '02. Tired of dealing with site issues and fluctuating policy being implemented in ways I did not care for. Perhaps it is more stable now, but I still think I will keep my distance. I've got it up at HASA and LOTRfanfiction, and once I get done, I may also archive it at TFF. I just don't feel like keeping up with it on more sites than that. But thank you for the suggestion; it's not that I don't want readers, it's just that I don't want to deal with that particular site.

-It maybe because I haven't read this in a while, but your style seems to be moving closer to that of Tolkien. I'm not sure if this is simply practice or because the scene lends itself to that language. In any case, it's quite well done and very much suited to it.

It is closer to Tolkien's style, because that's what fit the chapter. I don't need that much of either Aragorn or Legolas to get us through the miles and miles and miles of deadly silent landscapes, so pulling away from them a bit became the logical move. And that distance makes it possible for me to imitate a little more closely Tolkien's own style. I'm glad it worked well for you. I had been worried that it would be an awkward switch-over (and in point of fact, as you remark, the actual switch is awkward).

-[Snip Simone Weil-esque passage] This little internal soliquey is very important, IMO, for understanding the mental states of these men. They're going on a suicide mission to the literal hell on earth. I'd like to see a bit more into their psychology.

I'll keep that in mind. I, too, would like to be able to do more with this, but the aforementioned "God I'm tired just get me through this" mentality is preventing me from finding an appropriate moment. Also, Tolkien's style makes it a little more difficult to insert such moments, which do need a bit of build-up to work well, either as contrasts with what's gone before or as capstones to an entire affective mood.

You had some very good small moments that showed that...Pipin, of all, people was an excellent window.

Pippin has been a lot of fun for me to write, and very useful as a narrator. I'm glad you liked his portion of the chapter, and that little bit of observation. The nice thing about him is that he doesn't have a very developed understanding of these sorts of mentalities, so he can be surprised by them and notice these little things. Legolas and Aragorn basically just live them and even if they don't verbalize them, they understand why you eat, why you do x. You do it because it's mechanical, because you have to do it, because it's inertia, because it's a way of not thinking about things and life has to go on while it goes on.

[snip]

[snip gift-wrapped presents from Mordor]

Now, given the circumstances...namely Legolas going into homicidal mode and the battle kicking off...it is perfectly understandable, nay, realistic that [gift-wrapped present] is not dwelt upon... Still, if there's a way that you could realistically make the appearance ... have more significance to the characters, take it.

Good point. I don't mean to neglect it, it is a huge point. At the same time, there just isn't time to give it the attention it deserves. I'll try to incorporate that "no time for attention deserved" aspect into the story a little more.

-The reference to the Music was good, though it seemed oddly awkward and unnecessary somehow. Don't get me wrong; I think it needs to be there...though not necessarily in that position. It just feels oddly out of place.

That would be the awkward transition that prevents me from having to move first to either Aragorn or Legolas, and second, invent time-filling stuff wherein I have to pay attention to the mechanics of getting from place A to place B, and from character A to character B, in great detail. It also means I don't have to deal with Denethor angst, Legolas angst or anyone else angst - I can do collective angst and passing landscapes. Not optimal, necessarily, but it basically got me out of Minas Tirith and through Ithilien in relatively short order without burn out.

Your modification of the songs for Aragorn and the departing soldiers was wonderful and another one of those moments that helps to characterize what this story is all about. There is no verse, no rhyme or tunning. It's half rage, half delirium and all love.

Thanks - that was probably my favorite part of the whole chapter.


[snip snip]

Due to my utter lack of knowledge about medieval battles...sorry, I'm modern Army, I shoot crap...

snork! I'm non-military in any sense of the term - I think I win on the ignorance scale.

I disclaimer of lack of knowledge. However, that time table seems to long to me, even if an enemy is going up that slope.

Good point. I'll revise for a much shorter time. I should just know better by now: NEVER commit myself to definite time spans for battles. Ever. It enables me to avoid making statements that are just unrealistic on the face of it... even for fantasy, heh heh.

-I don't know how much energy you have left after working on this thing for so long, but be sure you give all of the loose ends proper closure...Arwen, for example. There's no need to go on, but a good paragraph is, I think, necessary for her.

Oh, fear not. We aren't *nearly* done with this story yet, and I know what I want for the ending. Arwen will have her day, among others. :evil

Once you've finished this, give yourself some therapy by writing something really silly, short, silly and stupid...I think my favorite example is The Morning After: A Tale of Wanton Debauchery.

I've got something in mind of that sort. Also, I'm sure once I get through, I'll want to write something ridiculously fluffy and happy with kitties and bunnies and frolicking and all that sort of thing as a kind of system purge.

Thanks for your comments, IVIaedhros!

Dwim

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Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

Dwimordene - 09 May 07 - 9:35 AM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

I am sooo SAD. I'm kind of (excuse the term) pissed off. I cannot even write right now. This might just end the story for me. I don't even want to continue anymore. I know it's just a story, but..... I have been so involved in this and for it to end up this way.....

Well, that's certainly a reaction that says I've succeeded in getting you to invest in the characters and their circumstances! I hope you'll be sucked in once more by curiosity at least, but having myself bailed on a story for reasons of "Ack! Too traumatic!!", I can't exactly complain if others do the same with mine!

Kind of ironic...Legolas---the person being driven by hate and vengeance and not really caring what happens to himself--- is saved by Aragorn, the person with a little bit of hope left in this very bleak tale.

To be fair to Legolas, he's seriously grieving and suffering the shattering of the world that makes even traumatic loss meaningful to him. Things just don't make sense to him anymore, and that leads to a certain kind of hysterical clinging on the one hand, and a certain kind of compulsive distancing on the other. It's not that he doesn't, in a sense, know exactly what he's doing, but that doesn't make a dent. He's just trying to survive and respond, and that makes him more like Denethor, perhaps, than we'd expect from him based on the minimal representations of him in the books.

Not that Aragorn isn't also seriously grieving and wounded by events, but it takes a different form because he's the one who gets named "Estel" for hope that has absolutely no ground in the world that literally produces sense and meaning for us.

I'm glad that you liked the portrayal of Aragorn at the end of the chapter. I confess, it's not my favorite part, and not just because of the content. It just didn't quite work out the way I wanted it to, alas. But hopefully later, I'll be able to get the other version in my head on paper in some effective form. It likely won't happen, though, until I get closer to the end of the story.

The ending of this chapter is such a downer for me, Dwim. Obviously this story made such an impact on me and I've grown to love your interpretation of these characters...

Thank you! I've really enjoyed writing them, for all I end up putting them through hell. I certainly appreciate that this is a very depressing note to end on. If I'd been smarter or more patient or less tired, I probably would've waited to release this chapter until I had the next one already written. But such is life - I'm neither patient nor smart when tired.

Thanks for your comments!

Dwim

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Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

Dwimordene - 09 May 07 - 9:43 AM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

Collective reply!

Hi Oshun!

IVIaedhros and RV--Too bad that public comments appear to everyone!

This is the one part about comments that is problematic for me. Spoiler protection is kind of non-existent, and I know I have a weak ability to avoid these sometimes...

I hope you'll still be able to enjoy the chapter, despite having some forewarning of what's to come.

And to Nath:

*whimper*

Well done!

Thank you! Not that your AU!tale appears to be any more cheerful, mind! ;-)

TTFN,

Dwim

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Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

IVIaedhros - 09 May 07 - 10:34 AM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

*Insert pompous voice*

In my defense, I never mentioned who  "he" was...and as for the surprise factor of a certain gift wrapped present there's the facts of:

a. Based on your bits with the music, we can be fairly certain that the good guys will win...not saying that's a foregone conclusion :)

b. If good said good guys are to triumph, we can logically conclude that at least one of two certain little peoples must still be alive.  Therefore, if one were to be...*ahem* "removed" from the plot, the other must still be there.

c. We have had various clues as to who said gift package shall be.

...and why would any of you ninnies read comments before reading a story you've already started?   

That's right, Mr.-I'm-going-to-read-the-comments-first-and-spoil-everything-for myself-then-blame-poor-defenseless-undeniably-ravishing-IVIaedhros-about-it.  I'm talking to you.Pimp  Have you ever noticed all those smiles?

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Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

oshun - 09 May 07 - 12:25 PM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

Sorry, IVIaedhros, I know I am a whiner. On the habit of reading comments before the new chapter—I'm not really dumb, just no impulse control. Well, the story certainly caught our attention. It's  great read. I can live with the story line—ALL of my favorite characters in the Silmarillion died bar none; I'm getting used to great disappointment.

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Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

Teleri - 10 May 07 - 4:28 PM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

WOW.  This is a marvelous and thought-provoking story.  I love it, and hope you update soon.  Grin

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Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

Dwimordene - 10 May 07 - 5:20 PM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

Hi Teleri - Thank you for commenting; I'm glad you're enjoying it! I hope I'll be able to update later this summer. Usually, I put out at least two chapters in a year, during semester breaks. So we'll see!

Dwim

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Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

docmon - 12 May 07 - 2:01 PM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

Dwim! o, Dwim! you really did it, didn't you?Devilish

Because I've learned the hard way and have had stories spoiled for me - I also have no impulse control and once I glance at those comments, won't stop! - this time, I avoided the comments altogether until after I'd read the chapter.

So I was completely taken by surprise by who you killed off this time. Like RS, for a while, I was really upset by the "cliffhanger" - I thought we'd go into the last Book not knowing if he was really dead, because I couldn't accept that you would really kill him off.

Then I remembered: this is Dwimordene's story, aka Let's See How Many of Your Favorite Characters I Can Kill in One Story. Of course he's dead! She's going to kill them all! Cry

Ok, I'm collecting myself, though the irony that Legolas, who so wants to die, is the one who still lives, is a bitter one, Dwim!

And I, too, am confounded by the 'Arrandir' reference. But if you say we're not supposed to know, then I'll stop searching for references! Wink

Overall, the chapter was as engaging as ever. I appreciated having some long-awaited issues attended to - Aragorn & Legolas somewhat clearing the air, for one. I liked seeing the music theme back, though it felt a little awkward to me as well. You captured the desperate tone of all the characters particularly well.

Eagerly awaiting the next chapter (who will die next? Devilish You know, everyone, she's enjoying torturing us, don't you?), I hope you get a couple done this summer!

docmon

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Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

Apropos - 13 May 07 - 2:06 AM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

All of the kvetching about bumping off Aragorn and allowing Legolas to "survive" seems a little bit premature. After all, Legolas looks just as dead to me given the circumstances, although I suppose you may have in mind making him a prisoner of Sauron (I'm not sure I'm up to reading about such an eventuality). And I suppose the eagles might still show up, but I'm not holding my breath.

It's been some time since I read ROTK, but I seem to remember that Frodo made it to Orodruin mostly by dint of Sam's support and the fact that they were disguised as orcs. I'm desperately curious how you will get him there now (although I suppose it is always possible that the mountain is not his final destination). I'm thinking in particular about the bit that comes next…

I've been musing for some time on how you plan to end this story. IVIaedhros above expects a happy ending, but I have to wonder. With all the character deaths, it has always seemed like this journey was primed for the worst outcome imaginable. After all, without Gollum or Sam's interference, it seems there is nothing to prevent Frodo from claiming the ring in the end. So, do we get Evil!Frodo duking it out with Sauron? Yeah, I know you're not going to spill the beans, but could we maybe get one teeny hint where this is going? I'm expecting Evil!Frodo vs. Sauron and near-total annihilation of ME. Hot? Warm? Cold?

Sir Apropos

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Dwimordene - 18 May 07 - 4:05 PM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

Hi Docmon. Sorry for the late reply - I've been on canned fanfic all week (i.e., what I've already got written and can release, as if opening a can).

Like RS, for a while, I was really upset by the "cliffhanger" - I thought we'd go into the last Book not knowing ...

Then I remembered: this is Dwimordene's story, aka Let's See How Many of Your Favorite Characters I Can Kill in One Story.


Drat. I've been caught! ;-)

Well, you knew the battle of Morannon, if fought, would have some key differences, yes?


Overall, the chapter was as engaging as ever. I appreciated having some long-awaited issues attended to - Aragorn & Legolas somewhat clearing the air, for one.

If not now, when? It's that old, "Nothing focuses the mind like imminent death." It tends to make certain things stand out that otherwise can be buried in other concerns. When there aren't any other concerns, there's nothing left to do but deal with those things.

I liked seeing the music theme back, though it felt a little awkward to me as well. You captured the desperate tone of all the characters particularly well.

Thanks!

Eagerly awaiting the next chapter... I hope you get a couple done this summer!

Hopefully I will, though we'll see. As I said, I'm kind of on canned fanfic right now--whatever I've got that doesn't require writing new stuff in a major way.

Thanks for your comments (and yes, of course I love tormenting readers - any writer who says otherwise is lying! :evil)!

Dwim

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Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

Dwimordene - 18 May 07 - 4:09 PM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

Hi Apropos.

I've been musing for some time on how you plan to end this story. IVIaedhros above expects a happy ending, but I have to wonder. With all the character deaths, it has always seemed like this journey was primed for the worst outcome imaginable. After all, without Gollum or Sam's interference, it seems there is nothing to prevent Frodo from claiming the ring in the end. So, do we get Evil!Frodo duking it out with Sauron? Yeah, I know you're not going to spill the beans, but could we maybe get one teeny hint where this is going? I'm expecting Evil!Frodo vs. Sauron and near-total annihilation of ME. Hot? Warm? Cold?

There's an obscurity front blowing in from the sea inside Dwim's brain. Forecasts predict an indefinite duration.

;-)

Thanks for your comments, Apropos! While there is a way in which not to answer is still to answer, let me add to the confusion by saying this is not always the case, but nothing should be inferred nonetheless.

Dwim

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Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

Apropos - 19 May 07 - 10:15 AM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

Well, if you find a way to answer that is still not to answer, I'm all ears. You can't blame a guy for asking, anyway. 

I neglected in my comment to include kudos for your achievement here (I've written you before with praise, but it's been years, now that I think about it). Not just a great reimagining of the story and a decent respect for Tolkein's style, but you've also captured the spirit of the old boy's work like nothing else I've seen. Much appreciated.

Here's hoping that Frodo finds a decent Motel 6 between here and Gorgoroth.

Apropos



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Dwimordene - 20 May 07 - 10:52 AM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

Well, if you find a way to answer that is still not to answer, I'm all ears. You can't blame a guy for asking, anyway.

No, I certainly can't! :-) But feel free to turn those ears to others uses, since I'm committed to keeping my plottings secret until they're fully published.

I neglected in my comment to include kudos for your achievement here (I've written you before with praise, but it's been years, now that I think about it). Not just a great reimagining of the story and a decent respect for Tolkein's style, but you've also captured the spirit of the old boy's work like nothing else I've seen. Much appreciated.

Thank you! I suspect I have an unfair advantage when it comes to the spirit of Tolkien, just because I"m leaning so heavily on Tolkien's plot and specific phrases to write this story. Still, trying to keep a certain consistency of character and theme between AU and original is always an interesting challenge.

Here's hoping that Frodo finds a decent Motel 6 between here and Gorgoroth.

Well, Sauron's always got the light on for a Ring-bearer, but his is more a Hotel California style gig...

Dwim

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Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

Leonora - 21 Jun 07 - 11:50 AM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

Oh, wow...

I haven't checked up on this story for a couple of years, with the net result that I've just taken in AU!Book V in one sitting.

And, oh. Dwim. It was dreadful. Well done indeed.

A few things struck me especially:

--I like seeing the Rohirric, even if I don't agree with all of it. :o)

--For me, the fact of the two missing members of the Grey Company almost paints a grimmer picture of affairs in the North than Halbarad's report. (All the more, that it goes completely unremarked. Brr.)

--And I thought it a crisis averted, that Pippin doesn't take Merry's sword! Ultimately, it doesn't seem to help anyone that he keeps it. Ack!

--The way the roster of the living and the dead is upended so... thoroughly, and yet credibly. There are only so many roles to fill, and thus seemingly every key survival dooms another player to death. :-(

--That ending! That ending! Of all the things you've done, so far this and poor Sam are I think the worst - both in terms of personal preference (waah!), *and* in terms of the likely outcomes of the story from here. 'Tain't looking good! (And even if I'm right about the significance of 'Arrandir', it's but small consolation... but time will tell.)

So that's my piece said, and again: well done, well done, well done.

~Leonora

PS: Hope it's alright to lump chapter reviews together like this...

Go to Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

Dwimordene - 23 Jun 07 - 9:53 PM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

Hi Leonora!

I've just taken in AU!Book V in one sitting.

And, oh. Dwim. It was dreadful. Well done indeed.


Given the story, "dreadful" is quite the compliment - thank you!

--I like seeing the Rohirric, even if I don't agree with all of it. :o)

Is that a disagreement with the content or a comment on the grammar? If the grammar, and you can fix it, you can claim one quarter of my soul from the other correctors of my cobbled-together Old English.

--And I thought it a crisis averted, that Pippin doesn't take Merry's sword! Ultimately, it doesn't seem to help anyone that he keeps it. Ack!

It depends on how one views the original slaying of the Witch-king, I suppose. I'm partial to the theory that it requires both Merry and Éowyn to get the job done, due to the ambiguity of the prediction that "No living man" will kill the Witch-king.

Merry negates the species sense of "Man", Eowyn the gendered sense, and the two of them together negate the singular 'man'.

The lord of the dead men is another possible participant in Nazgûl-slaying, being dead, but it still took Merry, with his barrow-blade in particular, to open the possibility of a fair fight between the Witch-king and the lord of the dead.

--The way the roster of the living and the dead is upended so... thoroughly, and yet credibly.

If there is one thing I hate, it's an arbitrary death in an AU. ;-)

--That ending! That ending!

LOL! I'm, um, glad to have traumatized you? Thanks for your feedback, and of course, it's fine to lump chapter reviews.

'Til next chapter! (Whenever that happens, which might well be Christmas, alas...)

Dwim

Go to Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

thelauderdale - 24 Dec 11 - 9:09 AM

Ch. 43: Lie Down in the Darkness

I had to read this with a shirt slung over one half of the screen to hide comments.  We need a blinder for this site.  No I do not read them ahead of time, but when it's on the same freakin' screen it's kind of hard not to see things out of the corner of one's eyes.  Happy to contribute to the general readerly sabotage with my own comments...

Poor Sam.  I hope it *was* the killing poison. 

The initial departure, with the accompanying cacophony of song: I thought that was an interesting way to render it.  Certainly made the little hairs on the back of my neck stand up, to imagine it.

Go to Lie Down in the Darkness, Rise up from the Ash

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