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Comments for: Mazarb Khazâd. Accounts of the Dwarves.

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Mazarb Khazâd. Accounts of the Dwarves.

Adaneth - 31 Jan 09 - 8:49 AM

Ch. 1: Grór Muses

Hello, Neaththetrees!  At your service!  *sweeps off hood and bows*  How pleasant to see another dwarf-friend about the place.  Smile

Being particularly fond of the Firebeards, myself, I wondered about this:

Indeed many of the Houseless Firebeards and Broadbeams had taken oaths to Grór and the Fate of the Iron Hills.

Why would Firebeards and Broadbeams be houseless?  Their mansions were in the Ered Luin, where there had been comparative peace for some time.  I believe Tolkien said the Longbeards had been particularly singled out for the Enemy's malice because of their alliance with the Elves in the Second Age.

Otherwise, very interesting, thought the ornament may overburden the metal somewhat.  Wink



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Mazarb Khazâd. Accounts of the Dwarves.

Neaththetrees - 31 Jan 09 - 3:27 PM

Ch. 1: Grór Muses

Yar. Gror Muses is a classic example of my great flaw: "over-doing it".

And I had to chuckle at myself at your (very true) point about the dwarves of Ered Luin joining the Iron Hills. Thank you for that, I'll ammend that point sometime soon.

Ultimately I'd love to write a greater piece detailing the trials of the Exiles of the Grey Mountains -after they are driven out by the Cold Drakes. Gror Muses is stuffed over-full with a lot of the emotional material I'm trying to come to terms with before I attempt the piece.

Thanks again, it's good to have a dwarrow-friend to help me along.

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Mazarb Khazâd. Accounts of the Dwarves.

Thevina Finduilas - 07 Oct 09 - 8:55 PM

Ch. 1: Grór Muses

I want to start by quoting back a couple of gorgeously-wrought images:

his eyes were framed by a thousand marks of long care and resolute contentment.

He was champion of steel, and gold and silver were his servants;

I really appreciated the Dwarvish tone to it, the references to stone and craft. It is a little... heavy, perhaps. Dense. You've packed a tremendous amount of insight and history and Dwarvish mythos, which is fabulous! I'd love to see it somehow spread out a bit, if that makes sense. 

Per our other discussion, I'd be happy to beta for you- stylistically there were a few sentence fragments that tripped me up but I think they were done for effect. I can help tidy up a bit of dialogue punctuation, too. Off to read your other story!

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Mazarb Khazâd. Accounts of the Dwarves.

Neaththetrees - 08 Oct 09 - 1:28 PM

Ch. 1: Grór Muses

Bless! Thanks so much for your thoughts and time Thevina! I'd be thrilled so see any technical advice you could direct toward Gror Muses!

I re-read the piece seeing that it is perhaps here that I really begin to toss the balls I am about to try and juggle -in my greater drama "Salt"- into the air. Ironing out the kinks and hidden trip-wires would be great!


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