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4 Comments

 
 

Fallen

Adaneth - 29 Sep 08 - 5:03 AM

Ch. 19: If What They Say is True

Hurray, another installment of Fallen!  I'm glad you're still working on this, Aliana, even if things have slowed down.  (Boy, do I know how that is.)

The bits about the houses--both the untouched and the demolished--were excellent, and I particularly liked this:

The little fountain was still flowing, miraculously, I thought. I imagined it trickling in its steady way all throughout the Siege, with nothing but the walls of the square to hear the noise of the water.

Cheers--

Adaneth

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Fallen

DKP - 30 Sep 08 - 10:23 AM

Ch. 19: If What They Say is True

Another marvelous chapter, Aliana. I always love the subtle way everything is brought out, but perhaps particularly in this chapter - it fits the muted view that the narrator seems to have of the world right now. She's not quite part of what everyone else is doing, still disconnected. Just things like this are telling, but we're left to make of it what we may:

I remember especially the older people, standing quietly while the others shouted and laughed around them.

The two different visits to two different houses were excellently handled. Yes, exactly - I thought her feelings were perfectly represented, and you do such an smooth job of show, not tell.

"Well," he said. And then he smiled. "Good girl..."

Have I mentioned before how I love Rohirric Guy? That was a great conversation, and I hope we find out what happens to him, too. :)

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Fallen

EdorasLass - 20 Jan 12 - 12:36 PM

Ch. 19: If What They Say is True

I like that Narrator's reaction to finding her home in one piece is to clean clean clean and set everything back to as normal a state as possible; I'm particularly fond of her hanging up the clothesline, even though there's no laundry, simply because that's where it goes.

 

I also very much like the soldiers from Lossarnach; I would imagine that their good spirits derive somewhat from the fact that they know they're going home soon, and that all should be well there; no danger of Nazgul having dive-bombed their houses.  They'll be able to almost literally put the Siege behind them, won't have to look out and see the evidence of it and the War on their doorsteps until nature covers up the signs of battle. Of course they'll still have the PTSD, but they don't have the Pelennor and massive damage to their City staring them in the face every single day.

 

And Narrator's sense of guilt and shame at finding the other girl's house a wreck are perfect; she can't even take refuge in a white lie about damage to her own house, because the other girl already knows there wasn't any.  I would be inclined to guess that hearing Narrator's house came through unscathed is what gave the other girl the fortitude to go check out her own.

 

….you have a lot of unnamed characters, missy.

 

I'm kind of on Narrator's side in thinking that the King should see all of this damage and ruin the way it is, without anything having been tidied at all. I mean, I know that Aragorn already feels deep responsibility for Gondor and Minas Tirith, and he doesn't really need to have the facts of the Siege driven home visually, because he's well-aware of what the people went through, but…. yeah, I can understand where it would rankle, seeing workers cleaning up on account of the King, as if his Kingly eyes should be shielded from the physical scars inflicted by the War.

 

I've probably said this before, but I do so love the Rohirric guy. Straightforward, a little prickly, perhaps unexpectedly understanding and, IMO, a little weirdly comforting.  Also maybe younger than I thought, the way he's going after those cakes, or perhaps he's just starved for fresh baked goods.  J

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Fallen

Aliana - 20 Jan 12 - 2:43 PM

Ch. 19: If What They Say is True

I like that Narrator's reaction to finding her home in one piece is to clean clean clean and set everything back to as normal a state as possible; I'm particularly fond of her hanging up the clothesline, even though there's no laundry, simply because that's where it goes.

Thanks!  I had fun writing that part, if only because it involved her doing something other than have an awkward conversation with one of the other characters.

They'll be able to almost literally put the Siege behind them, won't have to look out and see the evidence of it and the War on their doorsteps until nature covers up the signs of battle. Of course they'll still have the PTSD, but they don't have the Pelennor and massive damage to their City staring them in the face every single day.

Highly plausible; unless, of course, they decide to settle down in MT, after all.

I would be inclined to guess that hearing Narrator's house came through unscathed is what gave the other girl the fortitude to go check out her own.

Could be; she's also a strong girl, in her own right.

….you have a lot of unnamed characters, missy.

I know.  Sigh.  I just always feel so ridiculous when I'm making up Middle-earth OC names.  They never sound right to me.  So I avoid it whenever humanly possible.

 …. yeah, I can understand where it would rankle, seeing workers cleaning up on account of the King, as if his Kingly eyes should be shielded from the physical scars inflicted by the War.

Glad that sentiment rang true, for you; I was trying to come at it from the perspective of someone who would know close to nothing about Aragorn beyond rumors, as the average citizen would at that point.  While it's unfair to him, it's also somewhat understandable, I think.

I've probably said this before, but I do so love the Rohirric guy.

Thanks!  Originally I only intended to write him for that one scene in which he was introduced, but he just sort of kept cropping up.  I'd say he's a few years older than Narrator, so early to mid-twenties.  (Which was my age when I started writing but which seems so young to me now, and I feel really kind of terrible about it.)

 

 

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