A Mirkwood Spider Landed On My Front Porch: 2. Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction

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2. Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction

Chapter Two: Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction

So, after Legs (the 40 lb. spider that fell through a hole in Mirkwood and landed on my porch) and I became friends/formed a truce/decided to let her feast on the neighborhood cats and salesmen, life returned to normal. Well, as normal as life can get with a kid, a warg and a giant spider living together — and the spider talks...

Being a new fan of fan fiction, I read it a lot. I still do. But one day, well that dratted spider got it in her head to start telling me stories! See, she seems to think she was sent into our world to dictate to me in order to enlighten us with her tales of Middle-earth. And thus, as the chatter grew to extremely irritating levels, I decided to listen to her (I didn't have much of a choice as she would slip inside, plop down beside my desk and click her mandibles at me) and write the tales down. Thus, my muse was born!

I would just like to stop here and say that I was not a willing party to this insanity! When I first discovered fanfiction, I was enthralled, captivated, and down right impressed (but then I stumbled early across some of the best authors in the fandom rather than into the irritating, fangirl dribble THANK ERU!) but the talent I discovered. And I enjoyed every story I read and even went so far as to print out stories and take it with me everywhere! Even to work. Yes, I was laughed at for my vice, but who cares, I was able to take the elf and dwarf with me everywhere I went and I was happy.

Then I signed up for an account. I think this was the true beginning, for once I had a pen name, I had the POWER! You know that power, do you not? I'm speaking, of course, of the power to REVIEW! And review I did. I left reviews on everything I read, good and bad, and my comments ranged from babbling, mindless praise to scathing remarks I now am ashamed of. But it was in reviewing that my writing began. How, you ask? Well, I received a PM from a fellow reviewer who commented that my reviews were rather entertaining and I should try my hand at writing my own stories. Of course, Legs snuck in and read my email and saw that PM and she used it against me! Whenever I tried to get out of writing down her stories, she would point and assure me that I could turn her tales into works of art because I left entertaining reviews!

Well, there is only so much harassment (not to mention arm bending and venom therapy – did you know spider venom can be used with hypnotic effects?) that one person can take! Legs began coming indoors more regularly, and she even fashioned a web above my desk where she'd tell me her stories and I would jot down notes to later form into tales of angst and friendship. Together, that spider and I whipped out our first novel (nearly 50,000 words!) in less than a month! And surprisingly...people liked it. They, in turn, left reviews, and let me tell you, the spider just ate that right up! The more reviews that came in, the more she would dictate for me to write. For months my fingers felt as if they would fall off! Over 1500 words a day on top of a full time job and being a single mom… And you thought YOU were busy? HA!

But inevitably, Legs discovered there were lurking readers. That was the day, my friends, the spider found more to eat than just salesmen and stray kitties! Reviewing isn't just a nice, considerate gesture; it could save you from a terrible fate! Death by spider is not something you want to experience. Messy business that. Trust me on this. I have had to clean up the remains and it's UGLY! But let's not dwell on that.

It was several months into our writing duo efforts that the warg took an interest as well. Only HE has a soft side; a soft, mushy ROMANTIC side. And yes, he decided he was going to take up writing as well. After all, if a spider can be a muse, why not a warg? Have I mentioned how strange things are at my house?

You're wondering about the warg, now, aren't you? Where did HE come from? How does he fit into this story? Well, I'm not really sure when it happened. I used to own a beautiful shepherd/Great Dane mix, but one day he mutated into a warg. It happened sometime after I watched this trilogy of movies (Maybe you've seen them?) — The Lord of the Rings. I warn you, be careful if you watch that! And be double careful if you read the books! Strange things happen when you discover the writings of JRR Tolkien!!

So, my dog turned into a warg (and a cute warg he is too!), and things were just peachy. I was writing what Legs told me to write and we were getting great reviews when one day the warg tells me he wants to write a story, too. Didn't know wargs could talk, did you? I didn't either. Nearly wet myself, not to mention nearly checked myself into the local mental ward. But it turns out wargs do talk. Or maybe I've learned to speak canine. I'd rather not consider that.

Well, the warg and the spider had become pretty good pals, though their relationship is an interesting one (I swear he's half in love with her!); and the warg took an interest in the tales she was spinning. Such angsty tales of friendship, he said, should be balanced by some good steamy romance.

Romance? Yeah, whodathunkit? The warg likes romance! And Legomance at that! Frightening, isn't it? I never would have considered it, but he's addicted beyond hope of recovery. And to be fair, he's pretty darn good if the review counts are to be trusted!

And so I found myself writing stories based on tales being dictated to me by a giant spider from another world/dimension/my overactive imagination and a dog turned warg! And all was just fine and peachy and lots of fun!

Then came the THUMP. The sound from the closet that changed my life forever and yes, for the weirder. Does your closet make thumping noises? If it does, DO NOT OPEN THAT DOOR! Run for the hills and do not look back! For if you open the door, there is no telling what might come out…

To Be Continued…

Reviews... The spider really likes reviews. May I refer you above to the reference to eating lurking readers? Ugly, messy business. You really want to review... trust me.

Note: I started a forum called NiRi's Babblings. I'll probably list my stories there in the order they should be read, and if anyone wants to chat, you're more than welcome to come over and babble with me.


This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.

Story Information

Author: Nieriel Raina

Status: General

Completion: Complete

Era: Other

Genre: Humor

Rating: General

Last Updated: 07/02/11

Original Post: 07/02/11

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