31. Abandoning Reality
Chapter 31 Abandoning Reality
Haldir entered Bellethiel's talan and looked around. It was quaint and homey, just what he expected. He heard the door close behind him. He was not thinking straight. This was not right. He should not be alone with another female. As Bellethiel walked past him, she brushed against his shoulder. He froze and stayed put. She turned back to face him.
"It's alright, Haldir. I don't bite." she said with a smile.
"Too bad." he whispered under his breath. That was the wine talking. It seemed he had no control of his thoughts. His carnal desires were taking over and his mind refused to bring up an image of his one true love. The blood in his veins rushed to other parts of his body, leaving his heart cold and empty. Bellethiel started to walk away but Haldir grabbed her arm and pulled her to him. She gasped at his sudden movement. The alcohol made her off balance and she swayed. Haldir caught her before she fell. His reflexes were quick and she melted into his arms. Looking up into his grey eyes, she saw nothing but lust. He wanted just one thing from her. She tried to come to her senses.
"I'm not sure we should be doing this." she said. Her tone was not convincing.
"You should not have invited me in." he growled.
"Is that the only reason you accepted?" Now Bellethiel released herself from Haldir's grip and straightened her dress. "Will I be nothing but another notch on your bow?"
Haldir looked at her with surprise. "What do you know of that?"
She smiled. "My brother keeps no secrets from me. I know about the Galadhrim's score keeping, especially yours. Some of the warriors keep a tally of their, shall we say, 'accomplishments' etched in their bows. It is well hidden within the design. Only upon a closer look could you see the marks. But we all know a warrior never parts with his weapon. Tell me Haldir, how is it you have not carved yours in two?" she said with a chuckle.
Haldir did not like having someone know the secrets of the Galadhrim. Then again, Bellethiel knew and invited him in anyway. "I left that life behind a long time ago." It was the truth. He had not been romantically involved with anyone since Nieriel. He and Caladwen had never let things get that far. Perhaps that was the reason he was here now.
He reached out and gently took Bellethiel's hand. Bringing it to his lips, he lightly kissed it while his eyes went in search of hers. "It has been a very long time since I felt the touch of another. Perhaps you are right and I should not have accepted your invitation, but now that I am here, I find I cannot leave."
"I do not want you to leave." she whispered. "But I must ask one thing." His lips were traveling up her arm and she was losing herself to their soft caress. "If we go any further, won't you betray her? I will not be the reason for someone's jealousy. I am not a bartering tool."
Haldir stopped what he was doing and backed away. Bellethiel had made him think of her. He did not want to. Caladwen was always in his mind but never in his arms. For the first time since he admitted his love for her, he managed to push the thought of her aside and satisfy his own desires. "She has chosen a different path. If she had just asked me to stay, I would not be here now. I was willing to sacrifice much for her, yet she remained silent." As Haldir spoke, he had a far away look.
Bellethiel saw the pain in his eyes. It was then that she realized the Marchwarden held this other one deeply buried within his heart. Who was she to try to make him feel anything else? Haldir would never love another. Yet her desire for him was great. "May I propose a compromise?" What was she doing? In the past, she told herself it was all or nothing when it came to being with an ellon.
Haldir perked up a bit as her words drew him from his far away thoughts. The wine was invading his senses and he thought about the pleasure this she-elf could bring him. "I am listening."
"Let me start by saying I do not usually behave in such a manor. Now that you are here, I find I cannot turn you away." She drew up closer to him. "We both have needs, Haldir. Those needs can sometimes get in the way of rational thinking, like now. I can see you still have deep feelings for this other female. I do not want to change that but I also feel an attraction between us that is very difficult to ignore. We can ease this pain together and not expect anything more from each other."
No words left Haldir's lips. His hands grasped Bellethiel's waist and drew her into him. If he thought about her words, he would leave her talan and never return. It was his body that made up his mind for him as it screamed for release. He gazed deep into her green eyes and held her there. She saw his need for her and knew it was only temporary. This would be their secret. They would never speak of it to anyone, not even each other. Bellethiel let go of all her inhibitions and let this magnificent Elf take her wherever he led her.
His lips crushed against hers with desperation. He wanted this elleth if only in this very brief moment. He emptied his mind and his heart. Desire finally won as his kiss deepened and his tongue went in search of hers. She did not resist as she parted her tender lips. His tongue was warm and demanding. Both of their bodies were on fire.
Haldir's mind finally screamed out for him to stop but it was too late. He had tasted her mouth and wanted to taste more of her. His mind would have to play along if he was to be successful. He allowed his hands to travel up her back until they entangled in her long golden locks. He did not stop until his fingers traced the outer edges of her delicate ears.
Bellethiel moaned into his mouth and her own hands found a gap in his tunic. She undid the belt at his waist and slipped eager hands inside. His skin was so smooth and warm. His heart raced inside his chest. She did this to him. It was her first accomplishment but there were so many more things she wanted to do to him.
Haldir's mind raced as he let her stroke his chest. He did not stop her as she pushed the garment from his shoulders, exposing his alabaster skin. Her fingers examined every muscle, every ripple and indent of his body. He closed his eyes and his imagination took over. Suddenly, he saw Caladwen before him. She was the one touching him and bringing his pulse rate up. Hands were unlacing his leggings and he felt himself grow painfully large. He was suddenly released of his confined space and he could once again breathe. Behind closed eyes, it was Caladwen that brought him such pleasure. He moaned and almost said her name aloud. Reality set in when he opened his eyes and saw Bellethiel undressing him. She was just about to push his pants down and out of her way when Haldir grabbed her wrists rather hard. She actually jumped at the unexpected response to her ministrations. He looked at her as she lifted her eyes to meet his.
"This can never happen again, Bellethiel. It is only this night that I desire comfort from you. Do you understand?" His voice was stern and she knew if she did not agree he would be gone in a flash.
"We will never speak of it again. If I can only find pleasure in this one night, then so be it. One night is all I need to renew my spirit, so long as it is with you." She let her eyes wander down his body. "You are exquisite Haldir. I want to ravish you. Let us both forget our troubles and consume each other. I deeply desire this. Just one evening to completely let go and feel free to do anything that comes to mind." She immediately sunk to her knees and finished undressing him. There he stood, completely naked in front of this she-elf. He looked down and watched as his body disappeared into her warm, moist mouth. Her tongue swirled and stroked him. The world around him seemed to disappear. He let go of everything that plagued his mind and lived in the moment. He knew it was wrong. There was only one that could make him feel life but she did not want him. Why should he go on living with his head buried in the sand? It was so easy to slip back into his former self, before Caladwen, before a pregnant and injured Eowyn fell into his realm, before the Ring War. He knew this life, had lived it for many years. He was in charge then. The only thing he needed to protect was his home. He could have any elleth he wanted for as long as he wanted her.
Haldir felt himself taking charge again. Meanwhile, Bellethiel was stroking and licking him. He felt his ego take over and placed his hands behind her head. He thrust his hips forward as she swallowed him. He was in control and it felt good. It fed his lust and he pushed deeper. Bellethiel brought her hands up to compensate for his large size. She could feel his power and it frightened her for a moment. However, she knew he would not hurt her. She moaned while her lips were wrapped around him and felt him take a deep breath through his teeth.
"Something tells me you have experimented with the ways of the flesh. I am so close, but I will not find release yet." he growled and pulled away from her. "Stand up." he demanded and she did. The old Haldir was back and in charge.
Bellethiel would do anything he wanted. She knew he would push her to her limits and it made her moist with desire. "Tonight I am yours. Do with me what you will until I am spent. I want you, Haldir. I want to see this Captain of the Guard and know what they say about you is true. Take me Marchwarden." As she spoke, she could see his eyes become black with desire. He would hold nothing back.
"You play with fire she-elf. Are you certain you can handle it? I have not indulged in such practices in a long time. I may not be able to stop myself." He gave her one last chance to change her mind since his was already made up.
"I will not refuse you if that is what you imply." Her voice quivered but not from fear. It was her need for him, to feel him inside her that made her weak.
Haldir was pleased with her answer. His eyes traveled down her body. "First, be rid of that dress." he commanded.
"Will you help?" she said turning her back to him so he could undo the clasps.
He walked up to her and pushed his body against hers, letting her feel his desire. She moaned and pushed back against him as he fumbled with the hooks. He was getting impatient. The longer this took, the more he was afraid he would find his rationality. "I have no time for this." he snarled and grabbed the back of the dress. With a strength greater than ten warriors, he ripped the dress in two all the way to the waist. Bellethiel gasped. No one had ever behaved in such a manner around her. He was like a caged animal that was set loose to roam free at last. He pushed the dress down her body until it pooled in a heap at her feet. She started to turn around but Haldir held her in place. His hands reached around and fondled her breasts. He playfully bit her shoulder as he caressed her firm globes. His mouth traveled to her earlobe where he began sucking and licking her sensitive ears.
"I hope you meant what you said about doing what I want to you. My desire has been pent up for so long, I am afraid you are about to feel the brunt of it. I want you to know that I will not hurt you, nor will I make you do something you do not want. Just tell me to stop and I will end this game. Otherwise, you may find yourself very sore in the morning." He let out a slow laugh.
The thought of Haldir doing unimaginable things to her for pleasure made her body tingle with want. "Stop talking about it and show me what you can do." she replied.
Haldir noticed they were standing next to a desk. He turned her so she was facing it. "Bend over." he commanded her. She put her hands on the desk and bent forward. He pushed up against her and she felt his arousal as he ground his hips. He waited for her response and was pleased when she lifted her backside to him. She would play his game.
Haldir's hands caressed her wonderfully round rear. Then he pulled her back against him and reached around to massage her firm breasts. Her erect nipples felt good on his palms. He spun her around so she was facing him. There was a fire in her eyes as she stared back at him. He looked over her shoulder to the desk. With one swipe of his arm, he cleared the top of its contents. His hands went to her waist and Haldir lifted Bellethiel with the greatest of ease, placing her on the desktop. Again, his mouth found hers and they kissed deep and with much lust, tongues dancing. He pushed her knees apart and let his hand roam to her nether region. She was ready for him. Haldir let his mouth travel down to her breasts where he lightly bit and sucked her.
"Haldir." Bellethiel moaned. He was touching her in all the right places, making her body come alive. She knew he was easing her into something that she hoped would astound her. He was going lower and made his way to her mound. She leaned back slightly to get a better angle for what he was about to do.
Haldir took in her scent and tasted her sweet nectar. "Delicious." he moaned. His tongue swirled around her moist folds as he searched for that special spot. He knew he had found that pleasurable nub when her hips gyrated up, trying to feel more of him. She would not get her wish as Haldir backed away. "Patience, lover." he growled and waited for her to steady herself.
"I can't help it." she moaned. "You touch me and I think I might go insane. I need more."
Just as she said this, his finger delved into her body, followed by more licking. She brought her legs up and over his shoulders and threw her head back. His ministrations were taking her to the height of ecstasy. Just as she was about to lose herself to total bliss, Haldir stopped. He looked up to see the satisfaction on her face. He crawled up her body, which was still lying on the desk. She sat up on her elbows and looked at him. He was beautiful and perfect in every way and she could not wait to feel him inside her.
Haldir pulled her towards him and her legs wrapped around his waist. He slid his arousal into her warmth and let the feeling overcome him. He moaned as he felt her walls squeeze him. Bellethiel sat up and snaked her arms around his neck. His long hair felt soft in her hands. She moaned as his body slid in and out. "You feel so good, Haldir."
With closed eyes and the wine still affecting him, his imagination took over again. The world around him melted away and he saw Caladwen writhing beneath him. It was her voice he heard. For so long he had dreamed of making love to her. His pulse raced and he quickened his rhythm. Caladwen spoke to him 'I have wanted you for a long time now. I love you Haldir. I will always love you. Stay with me.'
'You are everything I dreamed of.' he replied in his mind. 'I could never love anyone the way I love you. I want you in my life, Caladwen.'
She was almost screaming now, her climax rising to the point of no return. He opened his eyes and came back to the moment. This was not Caladwen, he thought. Suddenly he did not want Bellethiel like this. He had let his mind wander and thought it was Caladwen. This was not right. How could he do this? A voice in the back of his mind screamed out. 'Caladwen is not here. She turned you away and let you go. How much more of this should you endure? You have needs and this she-elf has given herself to you. Take back your reputation as the fearless Marchwarden. It can be as it once was; no love, no commitment. Claim this elleth as she deserves. You know she will allow it.'
Just as Bellethiel was about to reach the ultimate climax of pleasure, Haldir pulled out of her. She looked at him with confusion. "What's wrong?" she asked panting.
"Not like this." Haldir said and his face grew stern. He pulled her down from the desk and spun her around. He bit the back of her shoulder and nudged her legs apart. As his hand reached down and fondled her dripping folds, he whispered, "You are no stranger to this, are you?" His moist finger moved to her other opening and gently massaged it. "Tell me you want this and I will make you scream my name." He slipped the tip of his finger into her well-lubricated backside.
She gasped at the intrusion but when he pulled back out, she knew her answer. "It would not be a first time, but a long time since." She moaned as he slid his finger in farther. "I want this." she said and Haldir smiled. He entered her with two fingers, making sure she was well prepared for what he had to offer. When he was satisfied, he placed the head of his arousal at her tight entrance. He slowly slid into her. Bellethiel's moans were of a pleasurable pain. Soon they found their rhythm. He remained buried inside her. Bellethiel laid her body down on the desk and braced herself. She could feel Haldir pulsating inside her and knew he would not last much longer. He thrust deeper and made her scream his name. Haldir no longer saw an image of Caladwen. He did not even see Bellethiel. All he saw was the lustful act and how it made him feel, sex without thought. He no longer cared for her satisfaction. He only concentrated on his own release and thrust full force into her tight cavity. Bellethiel thought she would have been experiencing torture but for the extreme pleasure it brought. Haldir was an animal as he thrust into her. His hands squeezed her hips as he pulled her against him. Just a little more and she would feel her own climax. Suddenly, she felt Haldir explode within her body as a warmth spread throughout. He did not scream her name but let out a low growling moan. She was about to experience the same joy but he exited her body before she was finished.
"Please, not yet." she begged but Haldir was spent. Still, he had a reputation to uphold. It would never be said that the Marchwarden left an elleth unsatisfied. He pulled her from the desk and turned her to face him. Once again, he lifted her and sat her on top, spread her legs apart and kneeled down. He lapped at her essence, thrusting two fingers into the moist warmth of her traditional area. His tongue caressed her sensitive nub, bringing her ever closer to her release. Soon, she was writhing again and moaning. He reached up with his free hand and kneaded her breast, first one, and then the other. It did not take long for her to reach her climax as he consumed every last drop. He got up and she collapsed on his chest. He held her for a moment but did not stroke her or touch her in any way that gave comfort as lovers do. There was no love, only release and satisfaction.
Bellethiel was spent of all her energy and Haldir felt it. He picked her up and carried her to her bed. He laid her down and when he stepped away, she grabbed his arm. "Won't you stay if just for a little while?"
"I have to go." he said bluntly. There was disappointment on her face. Haldir leaned down and kissed her forehead. For a moment, she thought he changed his mind, but his words made it quite clear that this was never to happen again. "You must never speak a word of this to anyone. Do you understand?"
Bellethiel nodded and turned from him. She knew better than to let her feelings get in the way. It was obvious Haldir only wanted her this one night. He could not love her. He only needed her in the moment. It was what she agreed to after all. She heard footsteps and turned to see him get dressed and leave. Just as he was about to close the talan door she whispered. "Thank you, Haldir." She knew he heard her as the door paused before closing all the way. Bellethiel fell into a satisfied sleep.
Haldir decided to head off for the borders. He did not want to explain to his brothers why it took him so long to return after taking Bellethiel home. Besides, he did not feel comfortable in his city talan. The other reason was that he wanted to avoid seeing Bellethiel for a while. He was sure she would not pursue him, but one never knows the mind of an elleth. All in all, it was better if he left the city for a while. Patrolling the borders would help him to forget his betrayal.
As he made his way through the forest, the wine dissipated and guilt seeped in. Why did he sleep with another? It did not make him love Caladwen any less. It pained his heart to know she did not trust him but it hurt even worse to know he could not wait for her. Something took over his mind and he abandoned hope. If she had just asked him not to leave Ithilien, none of this would have happened.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
On that same evening, Caladwen lay sleeping in her room at the palace. She was suddenly in a dream. Haldir was lying on top of her. His body felt good on hers. He was whispering sweet words of love in her ear when she felt him enter her. It seemed so real, she thought, though she knew it was just a dream. Her mind let things play out. She could smell his musky scent; feel his soft hair as it surrounded them like a curtain. His skin was warm. 'I have wanted you for a long time now.' she said in her dream. He was sliding in and out of her. 'I love you Haldir. I will always love you. Stay with me.'
Haldir held her face in his hands as he continued his rhythm. 'You are everything I dreamed of.' he whispered. 'I could never love anyone the way I love you. I want you in my life, Caladwen.'
She awoke with a start and looked around the room. "Haldir?" she quietly called. She was alone. She knew Haldir was not with her, though she could still feel him, smell his woodsy scent. Her body ached as if he was really inside her. "It's just a dream, Cal." she said to herself. "But it felt so real."
This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.