Interview with Middle Earth Monthly: 2. Interview 2 - Melissa

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2. Interview 2 - Melissa

Interview 2 with Middle Earth Monthly (MEM)  /  Melissa (M)

MEM: "It is so nice to finally meet you Melissa."

M: "It's great to be here. I've been an avid fan of your magazine for years."

MEM: "Is it true that you met Legolas through the singles wanted section of our little rag mag?"

M: *laughs* "Yes, yes it is. I found it odd that someone as gorgeous as him needed to put an ad out. But when you are as old as he is, eventually you've met everyone already."

MEM: "Had you met him before then?"

M: "No. He was referring to elves. He'd only ever been with his kind before. Said he put the ad out because he was ready to switch sides. And honey, let me tell you, no one has been happier that he did. I was a little prejudice myself. Some of my best friends are elves but I've never been romantically involved with one. You know… the whole 'hairless down there' thing seemed like a turn off. But really, it's great. The bar soap is always clean, if you know what I mean."

MEM: *interviewer blushes* "Let's move on then. What did you think of Legolas when you first met him?"

M: "Whew. He was hot. No really, he was hot and sweating because he had been practicing his archery out in the blazing sun in the middle of August."

MEM: "And what was the first thing about him that grabbed your attention."

M: "That would be his long knife. It was the first thing he showed me. Just whipped right out there for all to see. I'd never seen such a long one before. And it has never been altered. It's as natural as it was the day it was made."

MEM: "Certainly it looks used after all these years?"

M: "Oh well, yes it has some scars and notches in it but it still works of course. It gives it character."

MEM: "Does he ever let you hold it?"

M: "Any time I want. I don't even ask anymore. I just pull it out and start playing with it."

MEM: "And Legolas doesn't mind?"

M: "Nah. He likes to watch me play with it. Sometimes he gives me lessons on how to hold it correctly. I used to grab it too close to the bottom of the hilt. He fixed that. Now he's teaching me how to swing it around and not bump it into anything. Like I said before, it's pretty long."

MEM: "Do you ever take it out in public?"

M: "We used to but we don't anymore. First of all, if it's not sheathed right, it makes Legolas walk funny. But our main problem is all the attention it brings. Women faint, children run away crying and men just get jealous because they don't have one like it. One time this guy took his out and waved it at Legolas. He was saying things like, 'Mines got a hook to it.' and 'It's not about length but how you twist it after you stick it in.' He kind of creeped us out. His was pretty small and strange looking. We tried to just walk away from the guy but he kept following us and waving it in the air. Finally, Legolas stopped and turned to the guy. He told him to put it away before someone got hurt. I couldn't help myself and started laughing. Obviously that little thing would hardly be felt if it impaled someone. Anyways, the guy started to get mad. Legolas didn't want to but he finally took his out and showed it to the guy. Turns out that's all he wanted in the first place. He didn't really believe it was that long. Legolas told him all he had to do was ask and he would have showed it to him."

MEM: "What ever happen to him?"

M: "It's sad but he's in jail now. Somehow he got our phone number and started harassing Legolas saying he wanted to touch it and fondle it. Eventually we called the cops and they arrested the guy. You have to be careful nowadays. There's some real sick-o's out there."

MEM: *interviewer rolls eyes and mocks a smile* "Well, it seems that's all we have time for now. It was very nice talking with you."

M: "Hey, sure no problem. It was nice meeting you. I hope I gave you something you can use."

MEM: *interviewer nods and walks away* "So do I." whispers while out of earshot.


This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.

Story Information

Author: L8Bleumr

Status: General

Completion: Complete

Era: Other

Genre: Humor

Rating: General

Last Updated: 11/11/10

Original Post: 11/11/10

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