3. Maglor: Of Madness and Suffering
(I always liked Maglor)
…I wanted to die…
Had I wanted to I could have done so. Die. I could take my own life as I have taken many others. And yet I wondered, to what end? Out of self pity I guess. Out of want to end the misery, the guilt, the endless agony maybe? Leave myself at the mercy of the Valar.
I doubt it would do much good, after all I am a kin slayer. Their punishment would be far worse then any self inflicted pain, any everlasting sorrow. I convinced myself that, the merciful Valar would show me no mercy. And maybe for a few fleeting moments I actually believed myself.
I took pity on my brother, he had willingly faced their punishment by killing himself. He would not judge me for throwing away the accursed light, but my father had not seen to what ends we had to go and would not understand. I could face him, I even could face the Valar, but I would not for doing so would mean taking responsibility. And that I could not. I cried for him, Maedhros, for my all of my brothers, for my father, for every life I had taken, and finally I cried for myself. It must have been quite a sight.
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