Elladan's Biograph Script: 11. From Rohan With Love

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11. From Rohan With Love


Dear dad-  This is actually the second postcard I've tried
to write to you, the first one being completely illegible since
I was writing in the car and we were for some reason driving
down a gravel road at the time.  I just wanted to let you
know that I'm still alive despite the headache that this trip
has been so far.  I know I only left four hours ago, but
already I'm wishing I hadn't. The feeling started not far
outside the city limits- I'm riding with Halbarad because
Elrohir opted to fill our car with three of the loudest of
Aragorn's friends and dub it the "party wagon". Anyhow,
we had just left the city, and Halbarad kept making
worried faces, as if something were wrong with the car.  I
started to worry too when he pulled into a petrol station on
the highway.  But then he got out, rummaged around in his
duffle bag, and proceeded to gaffer tape a Gondorian flag
to the hood of his El Camino.  He got back in with a satisfied
smile.  It just went downhill from there.  I won't even comment
on the music.  Anyhow, I'll probably write again soon because
there's nothing better to do.  --Elladan
Elrond Peredhel
307 Or Herentië
T2K 2B7

You were right.  There are 122 oil donkeys between Rivendel
and the Highway 219 turnoff.  I counted them, even though
Halbarad kept telling me not to.  The counting annoyed him
for some reason.  But his singing along with Limp Bizkit
annoyed me, so I figure it was a fair trade. We've stopped at
six different petrol stations so far and have only been gone
nine hours.  I think everyone is sorry they invited Elrohir to
come along with the convoy.  His frequent peeing is slowing
down the entire operation.  I've tried to talk to him about his
ten-litre-a-day Diet Dr. Pepper habit, but he doesn't listen.
I should get him to give you a ring once we get to a motel or
something- maybe you can talk some sense into him.  Expect
another post card soon.  Postage in these parts is cheap and
plentiful.  --Elladan
3726 Hithui Ave.
T4T 0Z4

Dear Grandpa, I think you'll be able to sympathise
with my situation.  You see, Elrohir and I (well,
more like just I- Elrohir doesn't seem to mind)
have been hijacked by Aragorn's friends and are
currently on a road trip to Minas Tirith to take
place in some sort of anti-Mordor demonstration.
So far it involves a lot of beer and incredibly
loud music.  We've stopped for the night at a
cheap motel in a hick town near Moria and the
party is in full swing.  We've been driving for
eight hours and I'm dead tired, but I can't
sleep because I'm sharing a (double) room with
Elrohir and three others and they're in the middle
of a rousing game of drunken Go Fish. I'd like to
escape to the bathroom for a long hot soak in the
tub, but unfortunately our motel room door handle
is broken and there's no shower curtain, so privacy
is at a minimum.  I suddenly show up on your
doorstep one of these days, you'll know it's
because I've ditched the others and caught the
first plane your way.  Love, Elladan.

835 King Amroth Boulevard
Caras Galadhon, Lórien
G1A 1B4

You'll note by the picture on this postcard that I am now in
Isengard National Park.  We are staying in a bad motel (big
surprise).  After driving all day I was really looking forward
to a quiet night of going to bed early, but you know how it
goes when Elrohir is involved.  He and Halbarad and a few
others have gone off to play on the highway.  They stole some
orange construction barricades from the roadside and used
them to block off one entire lane so that they could play
Frisbee on the asphalt.  From the sounds of things, the passing
motorists are none too impressed.  If we all get arrested for
mischief, you know what happened and I'll be counting on you
to tell the judge I was not involved in any way.
3726 Hithui Ave.
T4T 0Z4

Dear dad, Here I am in scenic Isengard.  Originally I was a bit
worried about staying here, what with all the terrorists and all,
but Halbarad seems confident that they are all concentrating
their efforts to the south and we should be fine.  I wanted to
buy you a souvenir from the motel gift shop, but unfortunately
all they sold were crappy little plastic Tower of Orthanc key
chains and inflatable palantir beach balls, so you'll have to make
do with this postcard.  Elrohir says hello too- he'd write
something himself, but he somehow got a pylon stuck on his hand
(don't ask).  Lots of love, Elladan (and Elrohir).
Elrond Peredhel
307 Or Herentië
T2K 2B7

Arwen- As promised, I am writing to let you know that Aragorn
is safe, and that I gave him that thing you made.  I told him to
phone you too, but he probably won't because he's busy doing
something that involves being a pompous arse.  Maybe you should
try him on his mobile one of these days.  But anyway, he's
perfectly fine.  In dire need of a shower and clean clothes,
but that's about par for the course.  We met up with them all this
morning- Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli.  We just narrowly missed a
large party of Ents, but Aragorn says he took some photos for you,
since he knows you've always wanted to see Ents.  They made
quite a mess of Isengard (the Ents, not Aragorn et al).  The
highway was nigh impassable.  I'll write again when we get to
Gondor-- Elladan. 
307 Or Herentië
T2K 2B7

Dear Bilbo,  Since I'm sure nobody else will take the time to do
this, I thought I'd be the responsible one and let you know that
Frodo and his friend Sam have gone off on their own for
Mordor. Aragorn seems to think they'll do alright though, so I
wouldn't worry too much. They passed through Lórien a while
back and were equipped for the journey by my grandfather,
who is rather keen on safety and likely loaded them up with
all sorts of things they won't ever use.  So even if Mordor is
dreadful this time of year, they'll be alright.  Yours, Elladan
Bilbo Baggins
na Elrond Peredhel
307 Or Herentië
T2K 2B7

Dear Grandma; In his anger, Aragorn is forcing me
to write to you and say that the camping tarp he
borrowed, the one that was outside rolled up against
the garage, was full of bees.  We tried to camp out
last night on our way to Paths of the Dead, but it
was a fiasco.  Aragorn hauled the tarp out of the car
he hired in Edoras, undid all the bungees, grandly
unfurled it, and was soon attacked by bumble bees.
Elrohir got one stuck in his ear.  It was not a
pleasant experience.  We all ran back to the vehicles
to escape the bees, only to see that Elrohir's iguana
had stepped on the power lock button and locked us
out of the Topaz.  We had to cram into the hired car
until the bees went away, then try to coax the iguana
onto the unlock button.  Not an easy task.  I just
knew the iguana was going to cause some sort of
hassle.  I told Elrohir to leave it at home with the cat
in Glorfindel's care, but he wouldn't listen.  Maybe
being locked out of the car and surrounded by bees
will teach him his lesson for next time. Love, Elladan

835 King Amroth Boulevard
Caras Galadhon, Lórien
G1A 1B4

Dear dad, We arrived today at Paths of the Dead National
Historical Site, right on schedule (according to Aragorn,
though I don't think he really has a schedule).  Only
trouble is, nobody realised it costs $12 to go through, and
they don't allow cars.  So if we want to pass through,
we'll have to leave our vehicles here and walk.  Aragorn is
furious with Elrohir for suggesting we come this way.  So
are the others.  I'm not too concerned, since I'm not really
attached to the Topaz and don't mind abandoning it in the
car park, but Aragorn refuses to abandon his hired car
because then he won't get his deposit back.  It's shaping
up to be a long argument, but really, we don't have any
other choice now that we've come this far.  We'll have to
hitchhike to Minas Tirith, but at this point I've given up
caring what happens.  As long as I live through it I think
I'll be alright.  Love, Elladan.
Elrond Peredhel
307 Or Herentië
T2K 2B7

Elrohir and I, with a group of others, have just
gone through the Paths of the Dead National
Historical Site in north Gondor, and I must say
it's not an experience I'd like to repeat.  It
was by far the creepiest place I've ever been,
so I thought I'd do my best to share that
creepiness via this postcard.  Supposedly that
white blur on the left side next to the exit is
some form of ghostly activity, at least
according to the fellow who works in the gift
shop, but that's always open to interpretation.
But, now that we're through, our plan is to
take a tour bus down to the coast and then
arrive in Minas Tirith by boat.  I'm not
too sure on the logistics of it, since last I
looked Minas Tirith was quite a ways inland,
but our mate Aragorn's arranging the whole
thing so I just smile and nod.  It's one of those
trips... Cheers, Elladan.
Rúmil and Ardlor
410 - 127 3rd Ave SE
Caras Galadhon, Lórien
G7K 1M8

Dear Círdan-  You'd be very proud of me.  I'm on a
boat.  Or a ship.  I'm not really sure what the
difference is, but I'm sure you'd know.  You can
look at the picture- it's a lot like the ones on the
front of this postcard.  I was a bit seasick to begin
with, but things seem to have calmed down now and I
think I'm getting the hang of this.  If I ever come
back to university, I might even be able to take that
sailing class you recommended. I sure hope Aragorn
has taken a sailing class.  He proposes we go up the
Anduin to Minas Tirith!  In these boats (or ships)!
He'd better know how to steer.  If we crash on the
riverbank it might put me off boats and rivers
forever.  That happened to Glorfindel- he had a
rough time over from Valinor, so now he won't even
go in an inflatable dinghy.  Yours, Elladan. 

Grey Havens University
Attn: Círdan
Administration Building
Room 202
550 College Rd.

Dear Glorfindel, We are now in Minas Tirith.  Things are
much worse here than they showed on the news before
we left.  Aragorn seems confident that everything will be
fine, but I'm not so sure. We arrived in the middle of
some sort of attack and managed to get that sorted out,
but something tells me that actually going to Mordor as
per the plan will be somewhat worse.  Honestly, I'd
rather stay here until this war is over.  I'm sick of
sleeping outside.  Aragorn and Elrohir are sleeping in the
tent tonight, since Aragorn for some reason refuses to
act decently until he's King (he has a long way to go!),
but I made for a hotel.  I don't see the sense in
depriving myself of civilisation for the next few days
when there are perfectly good lodgings right here.  I
wonder if they'd mind if I chickened out and sped
home?  --Elladan
3726 Hithui Ave.
T4T 0Z4

Dear Dad-  This is it.  We're leaving for Mordor tomorrow
morning.  Elrohir claims he's not worried, only the iguana
is, so that's why he keeps hugging it and petting it and
saying everything will be fine.  I think he's fibbing,
because I'm sure worried.  All things considered, I don't
think now would be an opportune time to die.  Perhaps
because I've not really done anything with my life yet.
If I live through this, I think I'll have to make a
resolution to do more relevant things.  But, in the event of
death, I'd like you to have all the ornamental type things
I've collected over the years, because I know you like
them.  You can tell Glorfindel he can have my movies and
CDs. As for Erestor, you can tell him that I don't really
hate him.  It's just that he's sort of a jerk sometimes and
I really wish he'd be more considerate when it comes to
relationships.  But you can give him my love, and Glorfindel
and Arwen as well, and know that I will be thinking of
everyone on the way to Mordor. Love, Elladan.
Elrond Peredhel
307 Or Herentië
T2K 2B7

This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.

Story Information

Author: Darth Fingon

Status: General

Completion: Ongoing Serial

Era: Multi-Age

Genre: Humor

Rating: General

Last Updated: 10/04/07

Original Post: 05/07/07

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WARNING! Comments may contain spoilers for a chapter or story. Read with caution.

Elladan's Biograph Script

oshun - 17 May 07 - 12:02 PM

Ch. 11: From Rohan With Love

I'd read this (the chapter "From Rohan with Love") a couple of times before , but I really needed something to cheer me up today. I'd forgotten how absolutely brilliant it is. The postcards really work as a way to let Elladan tell the story of the Ring War from his departure from Rohan to the Black Gate. Great characterization with a wealth of tiny details.

Elladan's Biograph Script

Darth Fingon - 17 May 07 - 9:45 PM

Ch. 11: From Rohan With Love

<i>I'd read this a couple of times before , but I really needed something to cheer me up today. I'd forgotten how absolutely brilliant it is. </i>

Thank you, Oshun.  I'm always glad to hear that Elladan's foolery helped cheerify somebody.  Making those postcard images was probably the most fun I've had working on a story.

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