Another Lord of the Mary Sues: 2. The oh so very secret council of Elrond

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2. The oh so very secret council of Elrond

Chapter 2

When Lala woke up the next morning, she had to find out that it had not been a dream.
She heard someone knocking on the door.

Lala: Come in!

An elf maiden entered the room and said: Excuse me, lady Arwen told me to collect you for breakfast. Would please follow me?
They collected Sven (“Nooo, I don´t want to school, mum!”) and then went to the dinning room.
Arriving, they found many people gathering around. Most of them were elves and Lala felt a bit awkward, being the only two humans here. But then she saw something….

Lala: Look, Sven! Aren´t that the hobbits sitting there in the corner?

Sven: Don´t know. Have you ever seen a young elf? Maybe they are small and hairy the first years…centuries of their lives.

Lala: Suuuuuure. And do you also want to tell me that young elves wear a ring of power around their necks? *raising an eyebrow*

Sven: How many rings were given to the elves? 7?

Lala: Noooooo, only three! Hah! They have to be the hobbits. If you don´t believe me,
let´s ask them!

They went over to the four guys, who looked up at them surprised.
Lala: Hey guys! This fellow doesn´t believe you are hobbits.

Hobbit #1: WHAT??
He ran over to Sven and started to kick his shin.

Sven: Ow! I don’t´want to school….no, wait. I mean: STOP IT!

Lala: *laughing* Ok, I guess that´ll settle this. Could we sit next to you for breakfast? By the way, this is Sven and I´m Lala.

Sven: *under his breath* But don´t let me sit beside this damnshin-kicking guy.

Shin-kicking guy: I´m Pippin! ^________^ These are Sam, Merry and Frodo. Sit down! The breakfast´s really good here, but they don´t have any mushrooms. Just imagine!

Sven looked sceptically at the things on the table: What´s that?
He pointed at something indefinable.

Lala: Dunno. Something elvish mayb? Duh. * looking sarcastically into emptiness…..suddenly she jumped off her feet:
Hey, I got an idea!! Sven, if these guys are here, it means the council of Elrond will be hold soon!Do you know what that means?????

Sven:………….We could change the story? We could become members of the fellowship? We could steal the ring and try to take it into the real world? What are you driving at??

Lala: EXACTLY! We could go to the council and…….ah, whatever, we need a reason to go there! Hey guys, do you know when the council will be?

Merry: Do YOU know WHERE the council will be?

Frodo: On page 657.

Sven and Lala. : O.o

Sven looked down to the right corner, reading: Page 655.

Lala: Just don´t think about this…..Okay, to make this short and not so ilogical, I say we just stalk Frodo when he goes to the council.

The next day:
Frodo: Guys! The council´s today! (What a surprise…..^^)

Sven: Yo Frodo, can we go with you there? Elrond wanted us to join, but we forgot where it´ll be.

Frodo: Sure! *smiling stupidly*

They entered the council room. Lala wanted to sit down, but suddenly seemed to have discovered something. She jumped up and rushed to a point where stood….Boromir!( not Legolas! Surpise, surprise! No offense, all lego-lasses!^^) By her enthusiastic jump, both landed on the floor.
Boromir: O.O

Everybody looked at the two humans on the ground and after a moment a young elf broke the silence: Look there! The great gondorian swordsman has been knocked over by a little girl!
Lala: WHAT??? You &/§&=***’’*###+ elf! I´m no little girl!

Boromir: *blushing* Well, as I may inform you, my elvish friend, this was all planed. I only wanted to see your reaction because…errrm, well, yeah.

Everybody rising an eyebrow.
Sven: Sure it is, Boro dude.

To Boromirs relief, just at that moment Elrond walked in.
Elrond: You all have been called here to…What the hell are you two young humans doing here??

Frodo: *confused* They weren´t ment to be here? Strange…they told me
you wanted them to join the meeting.

Elrond: Whatever. Well, what did I say? Er, yes, we all are here because of this ring-a-ding thing. Grodo, bring forth the ring!

Frodo: It´s Frodo!

Elrond: Whatever.

Frodo put the ring on the table…well, he tried to, but he couldn´t reach the top of it.

Merry, who was 1 cm taller than Frodo, came out of his hiding place and laid the ring on the table.

Elrond: *ignoring Merry* Now, before I´ll tell you that we have to throw this nice ring into Mt Doom to destroy it, I must talk at least about 3 hours, bla bla bla…..3 hours later: So, to destroy te ringy we have to throw it into Mt Doom!

Everybody: Oooooh, aaaaaaah!

Aragorn: …………….Now what? Who´ll do it?

Total silence.

Elrond:If no one volunteers to do it, I´m gonna have to pick you by lot!

Everyone: Gasp!

Elrond went to his tombola and Arwen winded it.
Arwen: And the oscar goes tooooooooooooooooo……..GROOOOOOOOOODOO!!!

Frodo: It´s Frodo!

Elrond: Yesyes. So who will go with Grodo?

“silence”
Elrond took another lot an d read: Iiiiiiit´s …..Elrond! Wait!
I don´t think this tombola-thing is good…

Elrond: I think it will be the best to form a multicultural group. A few humans, elves of course, hobbits and,well, even dwarfs.

Aragorn: …………That doesn´t encount me! I´m an…..eerm, an ent!

Arwen: You never told me!

And for some reason everybody began to fight. Somehow. Maybe they didn´t like ents.^^

Frodo: I´ll take the ring!

Legolas: We know! That´s nothing new!

Frodo: *disappointed* Ooooh…ok. But….why are you fighting?

Everybody: EEEEEEEERRM

Aragorn:…………….Hm?

Lala: That´s enough! Legolas, you will go because we need a good archer and otherwise all fangirls would kill me, Gimli, because he wants to see the mines of Moria (ooops, spoiler!^^), Aragorn because you are the future king of Gondor, don´t cry Borry, Gandalf, because you are the only one who knows the way and Boromir because we need a good swordsman, Sam because we surley will need a gardner, Merry and Pippin for the slap stick and finally us two, because…….well, just accept it!
The other hobbits came running in, Pippin screaming like mad:
YAY, we´re going to…What was it again?

Elrond: Mooooooorrrrrrrrrdorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Sven: Yo Elrond, how can you speak like this? It´s soooooooo cool.

Everybody looked a bit distracted, but finally they seemed to…..yooo, accept it!
And now a big jump, to the departure!
But because I just notice that nothing important happens at the departure, another big jump to Hulsten! Yeah.

Merry and pippin were just kicking Boros shin when Legolas cried out: Crebain from Dunland!!

Aragorn: ………………So what?

Everybody except for Aragorn hid behind some rocks and bushes. When the birds flew away, they saw Aragorn standing there motionless, full of bird shit.
Everybody was laughing and it seemed the wind laughed with Sarumans voice.
Aragorn:…………………….What??

Boromir: So that´s our future king of Gondor. I really can imagine very well how a statue of the greeeeaaaat king will look like in some thousand years!

Legolas: Well, shitty future prospects, or?

Sven: So what do you think?

Lala: About what?

Sven: About everything. `Bout this Lotr-stuff we are in.

Lala: Oh. That. Weird, isn´t it? Maybe we get home when the ring is destroyed.

Sven.: Damn, that´ll take time.

Lala: Naah, with us two changing history, I´m sure it all will be a bit faster. We could help them, when they get stuck, for example at the Moriagates.

Gandalf: *hearing the last bit of the conversation* Moria? I don´t want to go to Moriae! It´s dark and cold there. And dwarfs everywhere. And I have claustrophobia. It´s wet in there, do you know what that means for my rheuma??

Gimli: The mines of Moria? Yeah, let´s go there, I´m sure we won´t find dead dwarfs everywhere and no orcs! Instead they´ll give us a feast, we´ll show you how to celebrate. Beer and meat!°

Legolas: Oh Valar, please not. Do you know how fat dwarf food is? How many calories??

Gimli: Oh my, elf, you should better go and search your herbal essences shampoo, you haven´t washed your hair for 15 minutes!

Aragorn:*in panic* ………………Did someone mention shampoo? Don´t let it get near to me! I haven´t washed my hair for 3 months now and I´m proud of it!

Fellowship:WHAAAAAT? O.O

Lala: Greasy!

Pippin: hey, I found some mushrooms over there! But if you also want some, bad luck,
I ate them all! ^_________^

Sam and Merry ran angrily towards Pippin: HOW COULD YOU!!!
Pippin searching his luck in escape.

Frodo: I´m tired.

Boromir: It´s a gift!

Aragorn:…………………………………………………

Gandalf: Let´s go, I want to leave this mountain as soon as possible.

Well, after this senseless dialogue they TRIED to climb the mountain, which was rather difficult because there was snow everywhere.
Legolas: Look at me! I´m Sandra Dee!^^ I can walk on it!
I´m the prettiest of all! I´m so darn sexy! I´m sooo……Mmmnpf!

He couldn´t finish his sentence, for a big snowball hit him right in the face.
Well, let´s say maaaany snowballs.

Hobbits: Brrr, it´s so cold!

Lala:I´m not very warm myself also.

Gimli: Let´s go through the mines of Moria!

Lala: Yeah, at least it´s warm down there? Hey boys, it comes that I´m the only girl on this quest, how come none of you stupid men offered me his cloak????

Sven: But who would do that? I mean Aragorn is going with Arwen, the cloaks of the hobbits and the dwarf are too small, and well…is Gandalf wearing something under his robe? Duh, I better don´t try to imagine that. Aargh, too late! My somach.

Lala looked kind of pissed off and tried to steal the cloak from Boromir.
Boromir: Hey! Nonononono, that´s my cloak! My preciousssssss!

Lala gave him a kick in the shin and walked off, even more pissed off.
Boromir: What was that for? I only wanted to prevent her from wearing my sweat-filled,
stinking cloak!

This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.

Story Information

Author: Lala Adanwen

Status: General

Completion: Work in Progress

Era: 3rd Age - Ring War

Genre: Humor

Rating: General

Last Updated: 10/10/06

Original Post: 10/10/06

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Forums linked to the story

Writing Mary Sue: the Mother of Challenges - 424 posts

This forum is for all those who are considering entering the Mary Sue Challenge, or who are interested in it but perhaps somewhat timid. Questions about this challenge? Questions about plotlines you're working on? Any insights from the experienced OFC writers among us as to how to go about addressing some of the challenges of this particular genre?

I'm setting this up by character: so if you're dealing with Legolas, go to the Legolas topic; Faramir writers, create a Faramir topic; Boromir, etc. There is also one main thread that's a melange where we can talk about more general plot points.

Come, share your high points and your hang ups, and get that story written!

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