1. Poor Figwit
God damn it! Why didn't I think to wear pants to Elrond's council! Legolas always has to be one step ahead of me! Ever since we were little kids it was always "Legolas this" and "Legolas that." No one ever pays any attention to poor Figgy-wit. Legolas must have been the one stealing my Fashion M-E before I could read it! I knew robes weren't going to be in next year, but how was I supposed to know that pants would replace them? It's a stupid style, quite mannish really. Not that Legolas has much sense fashion-wise, I mean who wears a wig? Even if he did look good in it, no one likes a fake blond. And at the council: chatter, chatter, talk, talk! Just because Legolas loves the sound of his own voice shouldn't mean that he gets to be in the Fellowship and I don't. Silence is golden, right? Legolas has always been everyone's favourite. He and Arwen have a lot in common, they're both continually stealing screen time from more important and/or hot characters. I, of course, fall into the more hot character category. Elrond has always favored Legolas. It's not fair! Legolas is such a kissup! He offered to bring Twister™ to the Council of Elrond, but we didn't play because Gandalf convinced Elrond that the fate of Middle-Earth was more important. Can you believe that Legolas thinks that he has to destroy the ring because it's tacky? He never was one for brains.
May his pants rot in Mordor and may Sauron see fit to smite his ugly little face with zits, pimples, and other unsightly spots!
Note: Figwit is an elf who appears in FotR for about three seconds at the Council of Elrond. For more info visit www.Figwitlives.net
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