1. 20. Afteryule 1368
Dear Diary
20. Afteryule 1368
Dear Diary,
I think I'm pregnant. I am not entirely sure and yet, at times, I am beginning to feel it. I know there is new life growing within me. I have been sick in the mornings recently and I know this can be another sign of a beginning pregnancy. Yet, I have noticed such signs often in my life and never did the seed of hope within my heart bear fruit. Shall I trust my feelings this time?
Having been disappointed three times, I am afraid of trusting sensations of secret wishes coming true and am frightened of being disappointed again. I don't think I could bear it. Yet, I cannot ignore the feeling in my heart. Hope has been kindled already, whether I wish it or not. I am expecting a child.
I have not told Drogo anything. I will wait a little longer until I am entirely sure. Should my hopes be shattered anew it will be better if he does not know.
I am so frightened, I don't even know if I should be happy or sad. I want to have a babe, more than anything else, but after three miscarriages in the last four years I don't know if I can dare to hope - if I am allowed to hope. Perhaps it should not be. Perhaps I would not be a good mother and this is the earth's way to hinder me from hurting a child who deserves better.
No, I would not hurt a babe - I would do everything for a child, if only I am allowed to have one. It has always been my greatest wish to become a mother and I would be a good one!
I will dare to dream believing that my hope will not fail me.
Don't worry, little one, I will look after you.
This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.
