1. 20. Afteryule 1368
20. Afteryule 1368
I think I'm pregnant. I am not entirely sure and yet, at times, I am beginning to feel it. I know there is new life growing within me. I have been sick in the mornings recently and I know this can be another sign of a beginning pregnancy. Yet, I have noticed such signs often in my life and never did the seed of hope within my heart bear fruit. Shall I trust my feelings this time?
Having been disappointed three times, I am afraid of trusting sensations of secret wishes coming true and am frightened of being disappointed again. I don't think I could bear it. Yet, I cannot ignore the feeling in my heart. Hope has been kindled already, whether I wish it or not. I am expecting a child.
I have not told Drogo anything. I will wait a little longer until I am entirely sure. Should my hopes be shattered anew it will be better if he does not know.
I am so frightened, I don't even know if I should be happy or sad. I want to have a babe, more than anything else, but after three miscarriages in the last four years I don't know if I can dare to hope - if I am allowed to hope. Perhaps it should not be. Perhaps I would not be a good mother and this is the earth's way to hinder me from hurting a child who deserves better.
No, I would not hurt a babe - I would do everything for a child, if only I am allowed to have one. It has always been my greatest wish to become a mother and I would be a good one!
I will dare to dream believing that my hope will not fail me.
Don't worry, little one, I will look after you.
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