1. Cacophony - by Gwynnyd
(with apologies for the extreme silliness)
Maybe 'time' wasn't such a good idea after all. He'd only done it to keep them all together. Before, the Music had been rather like an Arbor Day program at a kindergarten, with Valar randomly leaping in whenever the urge came upon them to do a little more praising. For a while everything had been fine and they had quickly picked up the time signatures on the celestial music.
In the first intimation that not all was well, Manwe, Orome, Aule, and Tulkas formed a barbershop quartet. Not to be outdone, Vaire, Nessa, Este and Irmo started practicing polyphony in earnest and complaining that the quartets needed to get together to practice eight-part harmony more often.
Ulmo played long drum solos.
Namo found a willing group of maia and formed a family pop rock group. Eru threatened that he'd hurl an asteroid if they didn't expand their repertoire beyond "Yummy, Yummy, Yummy (I've Got Love In My Tummy). Now they alternated that with "Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head" and "I Think I Love You" until he wanted to scream.
Nienna sang like Edith Piaf and wanted him to create absinthe, except when she sounded like Billie Holiday.
Yavanna could never decide if she wanted to be Maria Callas or Brittany Spears.
Varda's costumes were too Vegas and the bits of glitter were beginning to fall off and stick to the cosmos.
But the worst, the absolute worst, was Melkor, who'd been created with a strong voice but a limited range. Eru had envisioned him as the do-wop background track to keep the rest in time, but he wanted to be the lead singer. The Gregorian chant phase hadn't been too bad, but he'd segued right into channeling Adrian Leverkuhn, and took to declaiming loudly that atonality was "The Future of Music."
Melkor's latest glissando scream shattered Eru's last nerve. The Valar were supposed to stick to one musical style, but their fickle tastes made that impossible. Quickly creating an enclosed universe, he bundled them inside and told them to play out their own creation.
Silence. It was finally quiet.
This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.