35. A Tour of Barad-dûr (Mordor baddies)
A Tour of Barad-dûr
Hello! Welcome to Barad-dûr, also known as the Fortress of Sauron! We hope you will enjoy your tour today. I am Khamûl, your guide for the afternoon.
This is Level One: the Dark Lord uses it for board meetings and union negotiations with the Easterlings. See the scorch mark on the wall? It is his most famous compromise technique; the plaque above it is in memory of Eärnur, the last king of Gondor. Imagine the historical deals that have taken place within these very walls!
Level Two contains the largest room in the entire building; Lord Sauron uses it to muster and train his legions of dark creatures such as orcs, goblins, Nazgûl, wolves, and corporate executives. Notice the fine architectural design of spiked ceilings and dark rock: the design was based off of Lord Morgoth's famous Utumno from the First Age, and was built through a combination of Lord Sauron's powers and slave labor.
The pillars on the walls go straight down to the infrastructure, holding the Dark Tower as immovable as Utumno itsel— Well, immovable, in any case: the eruptions from Mount Doom are not felt in the slightest, and the Easterlings have calculated that it would take at least a 9.7 magnitude earthquake to break the Tower, and when is that going to happen?
I'm afraid we can't show you Levels Three through Fifty-Seven; if we did, we would have to kill you.
The gift shop is on your left on the way out, and every child receives a free whip, compliments of the Dark Lord! The restaurant is serving until 4:00 PM, and the special today is elf flambé.
Thank you for visiting Barad-dûr, and we hope you will consider joining us in the near future!
Oh, the doors are locked? Such a shame... Well, we needed five humans for the dessert— I mean, to taste the dessert at the restaurant... Why don't you just follow me...? You haven't lived until you've tried Lurg's Flesh Flambé...
March 26, 2006. Instant drabbled: muster, legion, infrastructure, imagine.
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