Morgoth's Notebook: 8. Forever Greenwood

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8. Forever Greenwood

It’s been a bad thousand years.

First of all...that third letter was NOT from Fëanor, but from Glorfindel, ranting on and on about not calling Imladris “Homely Home” and blah blah blah whineycakes.

Then that bully Manwë shuts off my cable, so now my only entertainment is watching what is going on in Arda. What a borefest. I hate to admit it, but when Sauron was bumbling around it was at least humorous.

It only just started to get interesting 50 or so years ago, when those Istari appeared. I should have been keeping a closer eye on the Valar. They’re up to something and I hate being out of the loop. Then somehow Sauron managed to return. I know, I don’t get it either. Of course those fools down there have no idea it’s him, and are calling him the Necromancer. I suppose that’s a fancy word for idiot-who-cant-find-his-jewelry. And then they go rename the forest because of him.

So this story is written in protest, because I will NEVER call it Mirkwood. Sauron does not deserve that much respect.

Forever Greenwood
by Morgoth Bauglir

One day in GREENWOOD, the King of GREENWOOD was walking along, admiring the trees of GREENWOOD. He turned to his wife, the Queen of GREENWOOD and said, “Isn’t GREENWOOD lovely this time of year?”

She turned back to him and said, “Yes, your royal hotness, GREENWOOD certainly is lovely this time of year. But aren’t you worried at all about the fact that in GREENWOOD there appears to be a teeny-tiny, itsy-bitsy, not-at-all-scary shadow?”

Thranduil, the King of GREENWOOD turned to his wife, the lovely Queen of GREENWOOD and answered. “No, my dear Queen of GREENWOOD. I’m not worried. It’s probably just that pansy Sauron trying to find his pansy ring, and he for some reason thinks it’s in GREENWOOD.”

Then all the elves of GREENWOOD came out to have a party in honor of GREENWOOD because GREENWOOD was such a wonderful forest. They drank their wine of GREENWOOD and ate their food of GREENWOOD because that’s where they lived – in GREENWOOD.

One day, a man came to GREENWOOD and asked an elf of GREENWOOD, “My dear elf of GREENWOOD, what is the name of this fine GREENWOOD forest?”

The elf answered, “This forest was called GREENWOOD, is called GREENWOOD, and always will be called GREENWOOD, because that is its name. GREENWOOD. Its name is GREENWOOD. Let me tell you one more time. GREEN. WOOD. GREENWOOD.”

The man said “Thank you, fine elf of GREENWOOD, the forest that will always be known as GREENWOOD.”

And the elf said, “You’re welcome.” Because that’s what elves of GREENWOOD do.

The End.

This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.

Story Information

Author: Arandil

Status: Reviewed

Completion: Complete

Era: Multi-Age

Genre: Humor

Rating: General

Last Updated: 01/12/06

Original Post: 08/20/04

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Mordorous Tales - 4 stories - Owner: Dark Powers Palace
Here be tales of the dark side, evil places and wicked folk. Frightening or humorous - and sometimes both - these stories tell of Tolkien's villains. Warning, this is the dark side, and there is one adult rated story in the playlist. Members of the workshop are encouraged to add links to their favorite stories – if the author is not a member of the workshop, please contact the HAWorkshop Admin to request authors be added to the workshop - or to add one story of their own to this playlist. To add a story to the playlist, join the workshop and from the shop main page, click the ‘Stories’ link next to the playlist name, then click the “Add Story to Playlist” link. Select the story you wish to add from the drop down list. Type the reason you are adding this story to the playlist in the box and click ‘add’. To create a new playlist - shops can have many Playlists - join a shop, or create your own shop, click the “Add Playlist to Shop” link, and follow the on-screen instructions.
Included because: The most hystericaly funny look at Morgoth's diary ever imagined.

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