I'm Too Sexy: 1. I'm Too Sexy

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1. I'm Too Sexy

The setting: A long plank like a diving board, set over a volcano.
Legolas at end furthest from lava. We don't know how the karaoke
machine is operating without an electrical outlet, but it's there and blaring.


Legolas (tossing hair, singing of his various fandom romantic encounters):

I'm too sexy for your love too sexy for your love
I'm going to leave love

I'm too sexy for your sword too sexy for your sword
So sexy I'm bo-ored
And I'm too sexy for Gondor too sexy for Gondor
Mirkwood and Arnor

And I'm too sexy for your beard
Too sexy for your beard
No way I'm dwarvish nancing

I'm immortal (you know what I mean)
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah
I do my little turn on the catwalk

[thousands of female fans watching on gigatron faint in horror as he does indeed do a pirouette above Mt. Vesuvias]

I'm too sexy for your Ring, too sexy for that Ring
Poor hobbit—no elvish fling
And I'm too sexy for that horn
Too sexy for your horn long before you were born

I'm an Elf Prince—you know what I mean,
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah
I shake my little tush on the catwalk

[Millions of female fans watching on gigatron faint at shaking of tush]

I'm too sexy for you too sexy for you too sexy for you-hoo!

'Cos I'm immortal—you know what I mean!
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah
I shake my little tush on the catwalk

[camera zooms in on edge of plank, to which Legolas has progressed]

I'm too sexy for myself too sexy for myself
Poor Leggy, poor pretty Elf
And I'm too sexy for my hair, too sexy for my hair
So sexy it scares me

And I'm too sexy for this song

[leaps...]

*****

"I'm Too Sexy" lyrics. I'm sure Right Said Fred was not harmed by this parody, although I register the protest of the Society for the Preservation of Sindarin Dignity and note that Legolas would accept no money for his performance... ;-)

This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.

Story Information

Author: Dwimordene

Status: General

Completion: Complete

Era: Other

Genre: Humor

Rating: General

Last Updated: 06/08/04

Original Post: 06/08/04

Go to I'm Too Sexy overview

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Challenges: Story Discussions - 1131 posts

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