2. Party On! — a pure grammar, spelling and canon beta
The beta’s comments are in italics
Note: this piece with the grammatical errors included is most definitely not representative of Gwynnyd’s usual fine abilities as a writer. Gwynnyd not only deliberately wrote the piece with errors, but also provided the beta comments to correct them. In these aspects, her prose is always a joy for her beta readers to work with.
This title is very modern, you might want to change it to something not quite so slangy.
In days overloaded with meeting people he had little time to
Eomer wished to honor some of the Captains of the
"It's not that I don't have the resources, Aragorn,' Eomer explained, "But but should not be capitalised, as you have a comma after the speech tag (explained) and Eomer’s words are all one sentence when we came south, I was not expecting to have to fund so much from my private purse." He shrugged and poured another pint of ale into his mug. "While Gondor has been very generous in supporting my troops since we arrived, I really do not expect you to pay for this. And
Aragorn laughed. "Wouldn't miss it, even if I do have to use my Ranger skills to sneak away from a formal
"Agreed." Eomer looked around puzzled. "Was not Faramir to been here 'to be here' or 'to have been here' would be better, 'to be here' is more active and more archaic sounding to handle the funds transfer discreetly?"
Aragorn laughed again. "He is. He was. My Steward needs a steward. He
"Ah, then I can wait." He drank a deep draft 'draught' would be a more archaic spelling of 'draft' of the ale. He thought about how hard it was to find what he thought of as a good breakfast in Gondor. This sentence shifts into Eomer's point of view. Because this is the onlyplace where you do this, I would delete it for consistency. Maybe make the information part of the dialogue? "Prince Imrahil keep 'keeps' wanting me to discuss our border issues with the Dunlendings, delete comma, unnecessary over breakfast." Eomer shuddered. "Once was enough for that. Odd herb drinks and tiny, sweet cakes. Faugh." He
The men were still chuckling when there was knock at the door. Prince Imrahil entered and bowed formally to his King and then to the king of rohan. You either need capitalization for both instances of king or for neither — arguments have been put forward for both approaches; my preference is for no capitalization in these circumstances. Rohan definitely needs capitalization though. He stood stiffly in front of the king.
"Sire, I have distressing news to report."
Aragorn removed his booted feet from the low table and sat up
Imrahil squared his shoulders, took a deep breath and continued in the tones of one delivering unwelcome news, "Faramir was seen drinking heavily in several taverns in the lower city last night."
Aragorn waited for the bad news. As the pause continued: colon should be a comma, or delete 'As' and capitalize "The" to make it two complete thoughts joined by a colon it seemed that Imrahil was finished.
"And, Aragorn prompted?" question mark should be after 'and' and followed by the quote mark. Put a period at the end. "And?" Aragorn prompted.
Imrahil made a clean breast of it. "With the periannath italicize,
Aragorn thought back to the hobbit's just one hobbit? I think you mean hobbits', plural possessive drinking habits in Bree. That there was beer left in the citadel continually surprised him. With four hobbits and add 'a' dwarf to supply he expected to hear of shortages every day. Imrahil was still standing stiffly in front of him.
"Ah," Aragorn prevaricated. "That is certainly unfortunate."
"Well, in that case, I will speak no more of it." Imrahil bowed to Eomer and turned to
"Certainly, certainly," Aragorn said smoothingly. while Aragorn wants to 'smooth out the situation', 'smoothingly' is not a word. Did you mean 'soothingly'? He stood and maneuvered Imrahil
Seconds after the door closed behind Imrahil, it opened again to admit Faramir. His red-gold hair Are we in movie!verse? Because you mention Imrahil & Roheryn by name, I thought this was book!verse and so should be consistent. If so, Faramir has black hair. When he first meets Frodo he is described as "Frodo saw that they were goodly men, pale-skinned, dark of hair, with grey eyes and faces sad and proud." And of course when he is on the battlements with Eowyn his hair is described as 'raven', "and their hair, raven and golden" was windblown from standing on the battlements in the morning breeze, but his eyes
"Have I disgraced you to the point where you ask for my resignation?" he said smiling. "Uncle Imrahil certainly
"I hardly need hair-of-the-dog," Faramir said wryly, putting the mug down and helping
"Nah, nah," Eomer said gesturing with his own mug. "Breakfast ale. Weak enough for babies.
Faramir swallowed the bread. "Yes, my lord. I am sorry..."
Aragorn cut him off. "You trusted Pippin to be able to tell the difference between the ales. You, lords of Gondor and Rohan, went too 'to', if you want to use 'too' in the sense of more than enough, it needs to be 'went to too many' many of the taverns in the city and drank indiscriminately."
Faramir and Eomer exchanged guilty glances.
Aragorn drove the lesson home, 'And you didn't think to invite me?"
Very nice. I like the humor. I think you've done a good job of capturing a funny moment. You might also want to add the diacritical marks in the name Éomer, although that's not strictly necessary as I think people will recognize it either way.
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