Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth, The: 9. Run Lina, Run!

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9. Run Lina, Run!

It was a fairly silent evening. Most had enough to do with essays to write, while Thalia and Lotus were conspiring in a corner with Cass leering over their shoulder. It was probably about Aragorn's class later in the week.

Sighing, Lina decided to take a walk. She felt tired – who would have known there was so much studying going on at an University?

“I'll take your Evil Plan essay to the collection bin,” offered Dot as Lina walked by. “I'm just about done with mine.”

“Yeah, thanks..” Lina replied.

Absentmindedly, she trotted through the hallways, carefully sidestepping the enormous hole from the latest 'I Am More Evil Than You' contest between Sauron and Morgoth, past the Pippin chicks who were working on some kind of new pipeweed and into the open air.

Middle-earth was rather beautiful. She had never really considered that before. It seemed so real now – heck, it was real.

Or maybe she was having one giant hallucination, complete with smells and sounds. She just wished she wasn't hallucinating quite this much pain though. Or the passing outs. Or the hitting on Gimli part.

She dropped down on the grass, and stared up at the sky. Funny how the stars were nothing like home. Nothing was like home. It was fresh and beautiful here and there was magic…

She had almost fallen asleep when a horrible, horrible thought came to her.

“The essay! SHIT!”

She hadn't done the essay for Sauron's class! All she had was a list of possible elven names written on the essay paper. Sauron would going to roast her for breakfast. He would make her grow long pointy nails. He would flunk her.

“SHITSHITSHIT!” she exclaimed and got up and ran. She had to get to Dot before that essay was handed in! Her feet felt like they had wings and she ran and ran…

And bumped into Dot in the hallway, not carrying anything remotely essay-looking.

“The essay!”

“It's in the collection bin, I just..”

Lina ran on, not bothering to listen to the rest of the reply. The collection bin was in the hallway just by the staff section, at the far end of the University. Fear gave her extra speed, she ran like she had never run before and she rounded the corner…

To find the collection bin empty. Sauron had to have collected them already.

“Oh shit…”

Perhaps she could go talk to him. He was a reasonable… Dark Lord, wasn't he? He'd understand – if he was in a good mood maybe he'd… Problem was, she couldn't remember having even once seen him in a good mood. Perhaps she could appeal to his ummm.. compassion?

Cautiously, she approached the staff section, separated from the rest of the University by a giant black gate with “Enter On Risk of Facing Miss Cam's Anger” and “Staff ONLY – no exceptions” plastered all over. The mini-Balrogs stared hungrily at Lina as she reached for the doorbell – but froze dead a mere second before she was about to ring it. There was a loud slamming of a door coming from nearby.

“MORGOTH!” Sauron's voice bellowed through the door, the force of it making the door squeak.

“SAURON!” came an equally angry reply.

“YOU turned all my things URPLE!”

“No, YOU turned all MY things urple!”

There was a long calculating silence.

“We've been pranked,” the low angry voice of Morgoth finally said. “Someone has dared pull a prank on us. On US! How am I supposed to look mean and menacing when someone has turned my underpants urple?”

“It's urple! My favourite helm!” wailed Sauron. “If I find a student in the staff section vicinity I'll…”

“We'll,” Morgoth interrupted.

“We'll,” agreed Sauron grimly.

Lina didn't stick around to hear what they'd do. Spinning around, she ran again, realising one Dark Lord mad was one thing, but two Dark Lords angrily joined in common cause was an entirely other thing.

She ran and ran until she was out of breath and her legs were like jelly. She was so screwed. Dropping down on the floor, she closed her eyes and tried to feel her legs.

Who the heck was stupid enough to do a prank on a Dark Lord? Had to be one of the Sisterhood of Evil chicks. And urple – the worst colour ever. Hoo boy. They would all pay for this.

“I think I heard footsteps this way,” she suddenly heard Sauron say somewhere not too far off.

She stumbled to her feet again and ran, realising most had gone to their rooms and the hallways were dark and empty. If Sauron or Morgoth found her, and only her, wandering about in the halls, she was dead. Or rather, she'd wish she had died.

When she reached the student floors, she actually felt dead. She merely had the strength to crawl to her room, managing to nod at Dot and fall into bed.

She was so screwed.

Author's Note: Urple – a brand new colour. Think of it as a mix of purple and pink in the worst possible way.


This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.

Story Information

Author: Camilla Sandman

Status: Reviewed

Completion: Complete

Era: Other

Genre: Humor

Rating: General

Last Updated: 03/15/04

Original Post: 06/18/02

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