Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth, The: 63. Save the Last Dance for the Dwarf

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63. Save the Last Dance for the Dwarf

It rained on the day of graduation.

It had been a nice and sunny day for the fashion show, sporting Elven gowns, Dwarven chain mails, human cloaks, Dark Lord Spiky Armours and Ungoliant's Pure Darkness dress. Sadly though, when Sauron had sported his magnificent double-spiked armour radiating pure evil, Morgoth had made it rain and the armour had rusted.

There were burning meteorites scattered all over the lawn after the two Dark Lords were done fighting. But they did make good lawn ornaments in a sort of 'here be meteorites lest you behave' sort of way.

So, it was raining and Lina was miserable. As everyone else, she had to leave OFUM – Miss Cam said possible staff position would be decided later. But with that carrot dangling in front of them, nearly all the students had done amazingly well (as in 'not flunking') on their exams. Except in Elrond's subject, but that was more because the exam had been held just as the EIBL (Elves in Black Leather) had held its first meeting outside (the mini-Balrogs oversaw the exams). With Legolas. And Glorfindel. And Elrond. It was a miracle not more than half the class had passed out. Elrond had passed them anyway, because he was, as Miss Cam put it 'bloody sick of them'.

Graduation, a party and then home at midnight. What a miserable notion.

“Lucy Barron,” Gandalf said from his podium (his wizard hat had been replaced with a party hat), handing over the licence to a beaming Lucy. “James Bond jr. Celandine Brandybuck…”

Lina only listened with half an ear to Gandalf's calling of graduates. She wasn't until the Hs, which meant she could live in the illusion of being an OFUM student a bit longer.

The staff was gathered behind the podium, looking like it was Christmas and Easter at once. They would soon have vacation to prepare for the next batch as well as rebuilding all the rooms Morgoth and Sauron had wrecked. They were all there, even Éomer had finally turned up (although students were advised not to make any sudden movements around him. He was still a bit - twitchy). Gimli sent her a weak smile from his place next to Legolas; she returned it with as much feeling as she could.

“Lina Holling.”

Lina got up and accepted the licence from Gandalf, trying to look cheerful. She failed miserably. Walking back to her spot, BreadLegs jumped into her lap as she sat down.


“I know.”

One by one students got their licence, some looking cheerful, others downright depressed. No more Elrond Death Stares, no more sleazy comments from the Witch-Wall, no more mini-Balrogs tackles (although with a mini-Balrog supervisor, you never knew. There had been a frantic rush when it turned out you could claim which one you preferred – Lina had gotten Grimli) and no more Dark Lord fights. She would miss it all. Okay, maybe not the pain part of it.

“Congratulations, OFUM 'class of who cares, you 're not our responsibility anymore'! You have all received your licences and can now write fanfiction. Kindly remember that you do have supervisors,” Gandalf said as the last student had walked up and received her licence. “And we would hate for you to meet any of our guests in *professional* context.”

Jay and Acacia smiled from their places among the staff; Miss Cam had claimed they were 'consultants' and thus would be considered staff. Lina suspected they were there for one final act of intimidation. After all, it did work.

“And now, as you say, let's party!” Gandalf exclaimed and lifted his staff.

There was a blinding urple light.


“What? I thought it would be more appropriate with urple.”

As Gandalf and Ragna locked in a staring match, the students began to mingle as the Orcish Howling Choir began their 'Stop! In the name of orcs - before we eat your heart'. Strangely, it seemed fitting. The hall was decked in a mix of Middle-earth and Earth type festive decorations; the disco ball reflecting the candle lights.

Miss Cam looked amazingly cheerful and relaxed as she swept across the floor, giving each student words of wisdom ('Don't name characters after colours unless you want me to break all the bones in your body, dear. Never spend more time describing a dress than the scenery. Changing eye colours makes Barlog hungry'). She paused before Lina.

“Not everything has a happy ending, Lina. Sometimes it just ends. And oh yes – work on that grasping of painfully obvious facts, dear.”

And with that Miss Cam walked over to Elrond, Thundera Tiger, Dwimordene, Jay and Acacia (who was eyeing all Boromir-lusters so no one dared approach the Man).

"I have come to the conclusion that although she is Elven, she believes elves do die... Thus, so will she. For good,” Elrond was saying. “I am most grateful for your help in this experiment.”

Jay muttered something muffled and went slightly pink in the cheeks.

“Next year I have a splendid idea for Numerology,” Elrond went on, gesturing to the giant flashing neon sign that Morgoth had impaled in the ceiling in an attempt to upstage Sauron. “I will hang the students from the ceiling unless…”

The hall was a mixture of music and voices, Lina caught bits of conversations as she walked through the crowd.

“You look great Frodo,” Magda smiled, heading the hobbit crowd towards Frodo, Merry, Sam and Pippin.

“Yes, Mister Frodo. You are great,” the Ring shot in. “You need a tower to show your greatness. Just a little, little one? A weensy teensy one.”

“Shut up,” Frodo replied cheerfully.

“I am the greatest Dark Lord!” Sauron exclaimed.

“No, I am, you puny halfwitted drooling fungus!” Morgoth replied.

“You vain, vulgar, void-brained vegetable!”

Lina walked on, past the all the Legolas Lusters (waiting impatiently for the announcement of who had won the one dance with Legolas), past Dot and her Rohan Rider dancing slowly, and to where Gimli waited.

“Congratulations,” he said quietly.

“I don't want to leave.”

“I know. I wish you could stay.”

“I know. I love you, all right? If you go marry some dwarven lady I'll come haunt you in your sleep.”

“If you marry some sorry human male I will chop his private parts off.”

She giggled, and for an eternity they just looked at each other.

“Dance with me?” he offered.


This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.

Story Information

Author: Camilla Sandman

Status: Reviewed

Completion: Complete

Era: Other

Genre: Humor

Rating: General

Last Updated: 03/15/04

Original Post: 06/18/02

Go to Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth, The overview


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