Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth, The: 62. One Last Pat on the Bum

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62. One Last Pat on the Bum

The stars shone ever so clearly, brighter than any star in her own world. Everything was brighter – and darker – in Middle-earth. Life was more dangerous and yet very, very precious.

Sitting on the roof, Lina looked down over the OFUM grounds, noting the great craters and brightly burning mini-Balrogs shining like torches down below. It looked like they had caught a few students outside, trying to dig a trench to catch something (probably lust objects in). Lina could spot Alasse, Dar-Dar, Kereen, Maylin, Pherwing, July and Shari at least, as they ran about in random patterns with minis on their tales. Was rather like watching an Olympic opening ceremony, actually.

“Gimli said you were up here,” Miss Cam commented, sitting down a few feet away. Lina hadn't even heard her approach. “Shouldn't you be doing some last minute studying or visiting your Dwarven friend? He is waiting for you, you know.”

“I know. I just… Everything has changed and I don't want to go back. I really don't.”

Miss Cam smiled softly, which startled Lina as much as seeing Sauron hug a bunny (other than his stuffed one) would.

“There's always the possibility of getting a job. A few of the students have applied. Jean is looking for a slave to boss about in the library, Shadow wants a slave to do something I'd rather not know about and I need a slave for all my paperwork. There are openings.”

“And you're not just saying that to make us all graduate and get us out of your way?”

Miss Cam chuckled. “Maybe.”

“Uh huh.”

“Well Lina, you have been a bit less troublesome than most, but on the other hand you've made Gimli very chipper in the morning and I HATE chipper in the morning. Still, you've been… An interesting student. Now get your bum to bed before I give you detention. Gimli's pacing the floor downstairs and driving Lord Elrond up the wall. Literally.”

As the two began making their way back, through the eerie silent hallways, a thought occurred to Lina. It would be the last time to ask all those questions she had pondered.

“Miss Cam?”


“Tolkien's the Headmaster, isn't he?”

“No comment.”

“So in other words, yes.”


“I thought so. With the clouds spelling it out and all.”

“You really need to work on your grasp of the blatantly obvious.”

“So who's the Ultimate Evil?”

“Again, you need to work on your grasp of the obvious here.”




“Hah, in his dreams.”


“You think the Ultimate Evil would have a stuffed bunny?”


“Inventive, but no.”


“Hey Lina!” called a strong voice as they passed the toilets and Lina groaned. The Witch-Wall.

“Lina, Lina, leave me not
You still have me besot
My bricks quiver when you're near
You leap as gracefully as a deer
Except when you fly through the air
Ent-tossed you look not so fair
But hot you look in a bra
You make me go ga-ga
Touch my side and make me whimper The following day you'll be a limper.”

“I'd work on those seduction skills for next semester!” Lina replied (lost for a better comeback – the Witch-Wall had that effect on people), shaking her head.

“Don't give him ideas. It's bad enough we got 'The Elves called Rivendell' running about like mad claiming they deserve recognition as true elves even though they are made out of building materials. We even have Iluuvatar the mini-Balrog now, wanting to create mini-Balrog land. Sounds like something from Disneyworld, only that it would be evil. Actually, that would be exactly like something from Disneyworld...”

Lina tuned out as she looked up and saw Gimli stand waiting for her. He smiled as he saw her – and that was love. Not the fantasy of grand love that she'd had for Legolas, the fairytale romance – but the simply realisation that she'd do anything for that smile.

“Hey,” she said softly.


“Aaaaw…” said a muffled voice and they both turned to stare at Miss Cam.

“Oh, shut up,” Miss Cam said briskly. “I'm a sucker for romances, even weird human-girls-fancies-Elf-falls-for-Dwarf-who-weirdly-enough-falls-for-her-too romances. Excuse me, I think I'll go watch Bridget Jones's Diary again – and oh yes, mention this to *anyone* and I'm frying you both on a McDonald's fryer and drowning you in salt.”

Neither watched her leave, as Lina let herself sink into Gimli's embrace and closed her eyes.



“Are you patting my bum?”


“Then who's… MORGOTH!”

This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.

Story Information

Author: Camilla Sandman

Status: Reviewed

Completion: Complete

Era: Other

Genre: Humor

Rating: General

Last Updated: 03/15/04

Original Post: 06/18/02

Go to Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth, The overview


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