Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth, The: 22. Sneaky Solutions and Obvious Answers

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22. Sneaky Solutions and Obvious Answers

Voices were slowly tuning in, like a radio being turned on.

“But he won though. Longest toss, even if he tossed Lina. It was a new record, too. He's insisting she gets half the prize.”

“Perhaps that will comfort her.”

Blinking, Lina tried to focus. It sounded like Gandalf and Miss Cam standing somewhere close. Why did… Oh yeah. The tossing. That would explain why she felt like she had died but her nerves hadn't, and kept on bringing pain.

“Ow,” she said weakly.

“Ah, she's awake.”

Gandalf's face came into view, looking all smiling.

“Congratulations, joined AETC-chmpion! The Ent are having an Entmoot right now to ponder how to put you in their 'Great Names of Ent History' list. I expect they shall have decided in a few years.”

“Ah, right,” Lina muttered and was relieved to realise she could wriggle her toes, even though it hurt so badly she almost wished she couldn't.

“You'll be fine after some rest,” Miss Cam said briskly. “And both Thalia and Mithara is here to keep you company, having suffered some light injuries as well. Come on Gandalf, the healers are capable of taking care of her.”

Gandalf gave Lina a merry smile and trotted off, leaving her to stare up at the ceiling.

“Lina?” someone whispered from the other side of the room.

“Hmm?”

“Does Ent-Tossing hurt?”

“Yes, Thalia, it does.”

“Ah. I had managed to get the mini-Balrogs to sleep by giving them elvish draughts – but I got my bum kicked by Arwen, catching me trying to sneak into Aragorn's room with a giant teddy bear filled with candy.”

“Ow.”

“Yeah.”

“What happened to Mithara?”

“Oh, she snuck in after me and mistook Saruman's room for Legolas's, and Saruman was not happy being interrupted.”

“Ow.”

“Yeah.”

There was a long silence, Lina trying to tell her body it didn't hurt that much, and her body insisting that 'yes, it did'. Lifting her head a bit, she glanced out the window.

It was a beautiful day, clear blue sky and clear white clouds.

The wind was lazily moving the clouds across the sky. Funny, they almost seemed to form words… The first one seemed to be an 'I', then for sure there was a 't', another 'i', an 's', then a uppercase 'T', an 'o', 'l', 'k', 'i', 'e' and finally 'n'.

She blinked. The clouds seemed to be changing again.

'C', 'o', 'u', 'l', d', 'w', 'e', 'b', 'e', '*', 'm', 'o', 'r', 'e', '*', 'o', 'b', 'v', 'i', 'o', 'u', 's', '?'

Hoo boy. How bad a blow to the head had she had anyway? Now the clouds were speaking to her. That could not be a very good sign.

She closed her eyes and tried to sleep, not even opening them when BreadLegs jumped up on her and begun making a comfortable bed out of her right arm.

“Oyoy-ow-oy?”

“Not too bad ow, BreadLegs,” she replied lazily. Sure, she had been tossed for hundreds of feet (probably), and her body would rather be dead than suffer through the pain she was feeling now, and she might be going mad, but hey, she had gotten out of the indignity of having to wear either pink or orange wherever Gimli had planned to take her.

Oh shit. She had been thrown in her bra, hadn't she? Oh no. Especially if a certain Wall had seen it…

“Miss Lina?” came a hissing voice, and she looked up to see one of the Nazgûls standing by her bed. “For you.”

Handing her a note, he slid out again, scratching up the floor with his sharp-point boots.

“Oh no,” she groaned, already knowing who it was from. The Witch-Wall, of course. But she couldn't help but reading it, it was drawing her in like Ents to a singles gathering.

“Lina, my Lina, prettiest of all
Why won't you hear my call?
You and I meant to be
This I clearly see
You can always lean on me
You're the lock, I the key
And I'm awfully keen
To have those breasts again seen.”

“Oyoy-boy,” BreadLegs said sympathetically.

“What did you get?” Thalia called out.

“Just a silly love poem.”

“Ooooh. From the same person that gave you that flower?”

“What?”

“By your bed.”

Turning her head, Lina saw that someone had indeed placed a flower by her bed. Only it wasn't really a flower, but something silver-ish shaped as a flower.

“No,” she said softly.

“Miss Lina?” someone called from the window, and she looked out to see LeafyArms standing outside. “Shall we put your half of the prize in your room?”

“Sure,” she replied, and focused her attention on the mithril-flower again. There could really only be one who had made that for her, and to her astonishment she felt a tingle in her heart.

She leaned back on the bed and clutching the flower, she tried to fall asleep.

That attempt lasted exactly five minutes until the door slammed open and Dot came marching in.

“Lina, why are there 200 copies of PlayEnt in our room?”

“What?”

“PlayEnt. To quote the magazine – 'Entwives as you have never seen them before'.”

“Oh shit… That must have been the prize. Or rather, half the prize.”

“And what the heck do we suggest we do with them?”

“I have no…” Lina began, suddenly stopping. She did have an idea! Of course! This would solve two problems in one go.

"It's quite simple, Dot…”

A few hors later, Lina was happily asleep, Syndarys was being chased by a mini-Balrog, Lily was trying to lure out the Urple Bandits (mainly the Pippin half though) with urple paint on sale and in the toilets the lights were still on.

With 200 copies of PlayEnt stacked by a drooling Witch-Wall.


This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.

Story Information

Author: Camilla Sandman

Status: Reviewed

Completion: Complete

Era: Other

Genre: Humor

Rating: General

Last Updated: 03/15/04

Original Post: 06/18/02

Go to Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth, The overview

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