Limericks: 3. Aragorn and Rangers

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3. Aragorn and Rangers

An heir to the kings named Elessar
put the blame squarely on the professor.
'Here I'm horny as hell
Arwen's in Rivendell'
Nightly urges: a serious stressor.

'Cock of the walk' indeed,
was the ranger chieftain at need.
as a virtuous man
kept himself in hand,
for Arwen only, he'd scatter his seed.

Aragorn after his stag night
Looked and felt such a fright
that on his wedding day
Arwen nearly stayed away
For he couldn't be seen in the light.

For his wedding day Aragorn couldn't wait.
"Being single," he said, "I do hate.
For too long my hand
Has been my sex life and
After we're wed Arwen and I can mate."

A maiden to fanfic a stranger
Exclaimed upon meeting a ranger
‘I’ve ne’er understood
Why a man in a hood
Smacks of such exquisite danger!’

There once was a ranger called Strider
Well known as both walker and rider.
Eagles were impressed,
When on visiting their nest,
He proved also an excellent glider.

Arwen failed to take into account
he had honor he could not surmount
Nor could Eowyn tempt
Our bold ranger, unkempt-
It was Brego who got him to mount…

The ranger called Aragorn
As an uncrowned king was born
He was soon taught to fight
With his kingdom in sight
But without Arwen was forlorn.

Said the ranger from the north
To the father of the elf he sought
‘Aye, she is my kindred
And our children may be inbred
But let not that be the reason for your wrath’

Pat came the father’s reply to the future king
‘The problem is not what the coupling may bring
But that I must hold my nose
If to you I come too close
And that I hate to do when in the air is spring.’

‘Cease! Desist! Halt!’ cried out Estel
‘That I am scruffy I know well
But there is a reason valid
Behind my appearance squalid
I fear the secret I must now tell’

‘You see, I sought to apply
To enter Harad as a spy
Alas being too gaunt
To go as an oliphaunt
I was forced to play a pigsty’

Incomprehensible though it be to a stranger
Ogling Dunedain put Tay in danger;
what made her feel dafter
was the strength of the laughter
whilst admiring the 'hood' of the ranger.

A ranger with chin covered by stubble,
caused forum readers no end of trouble;
His conduct so lewd
caused drinks to be spewed
reducing their keyboards to rubble.

There once was a man named Thorongil
Who knew it'd be far too long til
He married his lass,
But why let chance pass,
When Denethor quite fit the bill?

When his days of errantry were done
he joined the quest to be rid of The One
With brave Boromir
He found love in arrears *cough*
Said he, "Ah, like father, like son!"

Doubt put Boromir on the rack
Til Aragorn took him out back
Said 'Mir, "Thank you lord!
I've now seen his sword
Of faith, love, and Hope I've no lack!"

Discuss these or any other limericks at this forum forum.

This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.

Story Information

Author: HA Writers Group

Status: General

Completion: Work in Progress

Era: Multi-Age

Genre: Poetry

Rating: Adult

Last Updated: 11/11/03

Original Post: 06/27/03

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