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Dear Diary: 9. 9. Halimath 1368
9. Halimath 1368
Gilda is visiting almost every day now, for which I am thankful. Two days ago I had slight pains and for a while I feared I would have to give birth to my child without my midwife. But it is not yet time. Not before next week at least, Gilda says.
She had promised she would visit that day, so Drogo put me into bed and we waited for her. My pains had started shortly before midday though they did not grow stronger until teatime when Gilda arrived. After looking at me, she quickly assured me that everything was all right and that my baby was only preparing himself to be born.
That thought strikes me. My little one is getting ready to have a look at his world, but because Gilda ordered me to remain in bed, all I can do is lie here. Although there is little left I could do. We have prepared everything. The room is furnished, the bed is ready, and I have nappies, clothes and whatever else my baby needs. I can really do nothing but wait.
Yet, sitting here and waiting is making me crazy. Drogo sees to it that I don't leave our bed and he has even been against me getting up to write, though I convinced him that I had to do something. He was not happy about it however, and is coming to check on me every few minutes as if I were deadly ill. I cannot hold his nervousness against him, being somewhat edgy myself.
Am I really ready for a baby? Everything will change once the little one arrives. I will actually be a mother and not someone imagining what it will be like to be one. Can I handle this? Will I be able to give my child what a baby needs? I have never cared for a baby before, well, except for Saradoc und Merimac and some other toddlers in the Hall, but that is long ago and I always had the option of giving the babies to their mothers when a situation arose that I could not handle. In a few days I will be the mother and I will be the one who will have to handle every situation.
I am nervous, my little one, but I will try my best. Do not be too hard on your mother.
Time is running short now and I still have not found a suitable name. Drogo has finally settled on Marigold and is very eager that I chose the boy's name, something I should have done long ago, but I cannot think of one. My child will be a special one and deserves a special name not one as common as Minto.
So few days are left. I hope everything goes well.
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