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Discussing: Gift of Life

Gift of Life

Tay, this is a nice warm moment you have captured.

I know it isn't betaed yet, so a few bits I've caught:

that was (a) much for the company as the nut brown brew.

“His (decent,) [descent] yes.”

and the dwarf made a pleased rumble(d) deep in his throat.

I loved this line -

“Meriadoc, you said it was a family tree! This is Fangorn Forest! How did you find all these people?”

and of course your last line -
“The dream and the plan,” the dwarf replied and they drained their mugs and smiled.

I 'felt' Merry more than Gimli in this story, but since both are fair game for your crossover it works well. Delightful!


Lyllyn, off to work some more on Robin Smallburrow

 

 

Re: Gift of Life

I really liked this story, so many lovely descriptions and images jumped out at me as I went along (hmm, now I have a weird picture of being ambushed and stabbed to death by images - there's no accounting for my *very* strange imagination).

I'm not sure that I feel either Gimli or Merry more than the other. Although, I thought that the part where he confessed that he'd broken tradition, and created two figures – and the reason why - showed a lovely of side of Gimli.

As to lines I particularly liked:
The dwarf smiled, a brief flash of white teeth in a russet beard.

And one of Merry's lines:
"...but for us it is more like a web, every strand a life that touched a heart.”

I think that you, and everyone else on the list, is very brave to take on this challenge, as writing characters that you *can* feel is hard enough.

 

 

Re: Gift of Life

It's not good asking me what a dwarf sounds like - I haven't a clue - but these two certainly sound good. I love the detailed family tree and the justification behind the present. I know this is waiting for detailed beta-ing but I think there are a couple of places where your speech needs a new line. I was also a bit uncertain about dwarven, elven and Hobbity. From what I understand Tolkien would definitley have capitalised Elven and Dwarven also in some texts. Personally I would capitalise all three - but if not that then none.

Avon

 

 

Re: Gift of Life

Tay, it’s beautiful. I can’t claim to have a grip on either character, but these two sound quite perfect here.

He reached out a finger to stroke one of the figures, and Merry was taken with amazement that hands that wrapped so easily around the haft of an axe could also turn to such delicate work.

That is very insightful. And quite true I think.
The little bit about a wish for a child strikes the right note of poignancy.

I love the little details – Merry’s loving look at his brew, the parchment being held down by ink bottles, the star on the brow of the sculptures, and that Merry’s recital of how he’s related to Pippin and Frodo did not bore Faramir!

 

 

Re: Gift of Life

Many thanks to you all for looking at this. I had the idea for a Dwarven tradition based around their own creation / creation-myth but I was not as sure of the voice, since I think Gimli swings between reticent and brash – all of it so no real Dwarf is given away. My Merry is a little quiet here (that’s based on his recent experiences and his ongoing healing of spirit). Trust me to attempt a conversation between two grunters. I would yet like to try Gimli all alone, because introspection is the one way I think I could get him to speak freely.

I am really glad I finished and posted this before Chris sent me her two small Dwarf bits to beta, or I think I would have scrapped it entire. She has gotten so into the mindset, and with such beautiful language!


I have made all suggested changes, and many grateful thanks for all the catches.

Elvenesse, I have been run down and beaten up in a literary alley by words and images more times than I can count – I have the bruises to prove it!

Avon, I ran elven and dwarven through my searchable HoME – dwarven was both upper and lower cased, but Elven was always upper – you were completely right about picking a standard, so I chose capitals. Is Hobbity even a word? I changed that phrase as well – it seemed very… hobbity… to me. But now it just looks wrong.

Jim thought Legolas should not be mentioned, even in absentia. Any thoughts? I was afraid Faramir’s cameo was just too… me (ha! ) but I want to establish that Merry and Pip made connections because I want to write those stories. Does Merry go on too long with the genealogy? It made me laugh, but how can I judge a scene by amusing myself?

Gimli’s entrance (indeed, much of my Gimli) is a description of my friend Christopher Quinn Eldrich, who has knocked on my door just this way many a night, causing me to paint my hand, mistype a line or pour coffee down my chest. I figured if I knew a red-bearded celt who carries an axe, I might as well use him.

Meriadoc, you said it was a family tree! This is Fangorn Forest!
Jim and Chris both like this, too, that it made Aragorn’s family tree many branched and a little murky.

I was afraid the carvings were too revealing for a dwarf. But these guys are in some pretty special circumstances…

Avon: I think there are a couple of places where your speech needs a new line.
If you get a chance to paste them into an email for me, or otherwise point me at them, I would appreciate it.

The little bit about a wish for a child strikes the right note of poignancy.

I was a little unsure of this – I never had children nor the desire to. But an heir – that seemed like a wedding wish for a king. (it doesn’t have to be right away!) And I really wanted to address the waning races and the rising races, and that this king will bring all the races into his fold of friendship.

Thanks again!!

 

 

Re: Gift of Life

Trust me to attempt a conversation between two grunters. I would yet like to try Gimli all alone, because introspection is the one way I think I could get him to speak freely.

I'll be looking forward to that. I really like your Gimli here, and I would love the conversation between two grunters; I wonder what language marvels you'll come up with for it

I am amazed at what you did with this piece. Even though it is a new species to try, two new characters, you have managed to give it the "Tay feel" and created a beautiful, meaningful story. This is a very nice moment for these two to meet and, as I read, I kept marveling at all the things they were showing me about their cultures their lands and about themselves. It was very nice. Your descriptions of Gimli were great; I particularly liked the second and third paragraphs! And, their choice of gifts was touching... I would now love to see what Aragorn makes of them!

Jim thought Legolas should not be mentioned, even in absentia. Any thoughts? I was afraid Faramir’s cameo was just too… me (ha! ) but I want to establish that Merry and Pip made connections because I want to write those stories. Does Merry go on too long with the genealogy? It made me laugh, but how can I judge a scene by amusing myself?

Yes, I agree about Legolas. Well, I don't know what you had in mind, so I really don't know what his role in the story would be, but I think it all stands well as it is now. I did like Faramir's cameo (heh! I bet you knew I'd say that) and, are you going to write those stories? YAY! I don't think that Merry goes on too long with the genealogy... after all, it's Fangorn Forest he's talking about! (that line was priceless, btw.)

Gimli’s entrance (indeed, much of my Gimli) is a description of my friend Christopher Quinn Eldrich, who has knocked on my door just this way many a night, causing me to paint my hand, mistype a line or pour coffee down my chest. I figured if I knew a red-bearded celt who carries an axe, I might as well use him.

Tay, how do you manage to write posts and reviews that are stories in and by themselves? You have no idea how much I liked that passage and the images it's giving me at the moment. Do seize that and write more about the Dwarves; you already have an "image reservoir" (as Dwim would call it) of ideas, mannerisms, gestures, to work with.

I liked the themes of tradition, friendship, hope, love and understanding that you've brought up in this story. At first, I was going to say "try to trim it so that you can enter it into the challenge" but now, I'd say "don't trim it! It's beautiful just as it is"

Starlight

 

 

Re: Gift of Life

Hey ya Tay,

I am in a forum! Yee ha! Something I managed to avoid for a month or so...

Trust me to attempt a conversation between two grunters.
Okay here is an image. Keith and Christopher. You have witnessed these two converse countless times. In fact, I do believe I have it on tape should you need any reminders. By way of an explanation, I met all of my New Jersey family back in 1980 when a friend in New York dragged my down for a weekend of rpg. Obviously I had fun and stuck around, now look where it has led me!

Gimli’s entrance (indeed, much of my Gimli) is a description of my friend Christopher Quinn Eldrich (snip). I figured if I knew a red-bearded celt who carries an axe, I might as well use him.

I confess to using him as well, it was his laugh I used in the cavern room in my piece. And while I didn't describe the tork about my dwarf's neck, it looks remarkably similar to the one Christopher wears.

I am really glad I finished and posted this before Chris sent me her two small Dwarf bits to beta, or I think I would have scrapped it entire. She has gotten so into the mindset, and with such beautiful language!

Thank you Tay. Although I still maintain that scrapping anything you think to write is a crime. I may have found a mindset, but I have yet to find a plot. You have captured, not only two characters, you have given them a fine story and a beautiful dwarven tradition. I envy your knowledge of myth and, even more, your ability to weave it so eloquently into story.

Avon, thanks for the tip on capitalization, I am going to go check out my stuff now.

Does Merry go on too long with the genealogy? It made me laugh, but how can I judge a scene by amusing myself?

It made me laugh as well. But we are always cracking each other up, so maybe I am not the best judge either. I do picture Merry getting caught up in his favorite subjects though or whatever his latest project is. So it was not only funny but in character (or at least my understanding of his character.) I also really liked the trading of books and that Faramir gave him geneology. Do we think the two of them are Middle Earth Mormons?

(snip) he headed for the desk to deposit the keg, stopped himself as he caught sight of the parchment, and turned to deposit it in the window seat, where Merry imagined it was comfortable and happy looking out at the stars while it waited for its new friends to join it.

This is the other part of the story I loved. The placement of the keg on a seat of its own and that both of them thought of it more as a friend that shared their celebration than merely a yummy potent potable was inspired.

Well done, as always!
C-

 

 

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