Forum: Anglachel - Stories

Discussing: The Mistress - Ch. 01 - The Last Party

The Mistress - Ch. 01 - The Last Party

The Last Party

In which a party is thrown, a wizard is remembered, sisters of various types exchange various words, an infatuation occurs, and a huband and wife dance.

Warnings: Sex. The link goes directly into the chapter, so you will not get a warning pop-up




Re: The Mistress - Ch. 01 - The Last Party

Really excellent, as usual, Anglachel. I can't wait for more!

I've got some line edits for you:

This sentence "He had even patched up all of the scraped knees and bruised elbows himself, though he was careful to tell her of any hurt, however minor, a child had taken that day." comes far enough after the last mention of Willow in the paragraph that I found it unclear who "her" referred to.

In this sentence "Knowing Bilbo, he'll make due with sheep and chaff, she sighed to herself. Her son was quite good at making due. " I'm almost 100% certain that the proper spelling of the expression is "making do"

"'No one as of yet, Missus Baggins. My parent will not let me prentice until I am twenty.'" should be "my parents"

That is all for now...



Re: The Mistress - Ch. 01 - The Last Party


Glad you like the beginning. Now, the bad news is Finduilas and Denethor's sister are threatening to feed me to a Mumak if I don't start writing their story, so I'm not sure when the next chapter of TM will appear.

The "her" in the sentence refers to *Bella*, not to Willow. So, I'll go clean that up and make it more clear.

Good catch. I'm bad about homonyms. "do" not "due".

Argh. I can spell, you know. Really...

Thanks !




Re: The Mistress - Ch. 01 - The Last Party

One thing I really liked was the way Bilbo was shown as being a very hyper-responsible kid, like a sheepdog, the one you can trust to not incite real trouble among the little ones and be proactive in keeping them out of mischief. So often writers seem to assume a "generic boy" profile (for all sorts of characters, profic as well as fanfic) and, well, not everyone *is* Tom Sawyer. I know one teenage boy who can safely be trusted to mind babies (though absent minded about phone messages), and a girl who at that age, never remembered not to leave sharp scissors lying around on furniture (!) leading to an emergency room visit for another family member.

Of course, the thing about sheepdogs is, they *need* to herd, and this can so easily slip into well-meant controlling behaviour -- for people too. Again with the virtues/flaws being essentially the same thing in a heroic character.



Re: The Mistress - Ch. 01 - The Last Party

It just seemed to match Bilbo's character. Yes, he's an absent-minded scholar, but he is protective towards those he loves/is responsible for. Fierce, even, in their defense. It began at an early age and extends to all of his family, elders as well as the younger ones.

He is someone who engages in controlling behavior. It was something that took nearly a century (and a great deal of living) to learn to moderate. A sheepdog is right. Bella understands this very well about him, and is intending on setting him onto Bungo (and get him off of her case), as well as having plans for him to shepherd Gilda a few years down the road.




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