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Discussing: Ch. 10 - Proof

Ch. 10 - Proof

Proof Finduilas POV chapter. Finduilas unearths interesting clues about people. For Brandir fans (That means you, Julie), there is a conversation with him. A fair amount of Adrahil and Luinil. Many, many small details that will become significant later on. Ang

 

 

Re: Ch. 10 - Proof

Hi Ang, found something that was jarring already in the last chapter. IMO Luinil would teach her daughters fief management in Dol Amroth since they are small girls, not the first time in Minas Tirith when they are grown adults. The noble lady learns by doing not only by looking at her mother's doing. Thus, IMO Finduilas was accounting and buying supplies since her teens, only did it better than her sister. Best wishes Elanor (who whishes for ever more dreams of Finduilas)

 

 

Re: Ch. 10 - Proof

NIce politics and complexity! I chuckled over this line: ‘He is not a man given to good humor, ‘tis true,’ Finduilas agreed, ‘and he can be intimidating when he wishes. Which is often. I also like the visual of precise, controlled Denethor with cat hair on his pillow, and in my vision, his clothes also. A very different image that was nicely done: The vision of Denethor in the secret place, bleeding, was distressing, yet she knew it could not be so anymore than he could see her, or that he had plucked three pearls from a curtain of silver scales. Obligatory typo patrol: She stood on the battlement of the Citadel, encased in statue of armor. A few other comments - Aiavalë waited until her mother and siblings had left before scolding Finduilas roundly about the foolishness of going out in the heat of the day, then set the young woman to cataloguing reports. I read this one twice as my first reading referenced 'mother and siblings' to Aiavalë instead of Finduilas. I don't know if anyone else would find that ambiguos. The dining table had been moved into the shade along the south wall and the meal was made up of chilled things – greens, melons, sliced meats, ices. It lasted for several hours as there was much to discuss. This made me think about chilling foods in Minas Tirith. I would assume they could bring snow down from Mount Mindoullin or put in a pond or well? BTW - when do some of the mysteries start unraveling? lyllyn

 

 

Re: Ch. 10 - Proof

Nice politics and complexity! It gets worse... ;-) I chuckled over this line: ‘He is not a man given to good humor, ‘tis true,’ Finduilas agreed, ‘and he can be intimidating when he wishes. Which is often. To say the least. Denethor knows more ways to intimidate than he knows how to smile. He and the cat become quite a pair as the story goes on, by the way. Typos fixed. I reworked the sentence where Aiavale scolds Finduilas to remove the ambiguity. Chilling things - They would have ice and snow from Mindolluin, and I presume that they have an ice house where blocks of ice collected in the winter could be stored. They definitely have glacial run-off from the mountain, piped in through Numenorean-era waterworks. Finally, I expect they have cold cellars and wells where things like fresh dairy could be kept in stone containers and kept cool - not down to our levels of refrigeration, certainly, but enough for a noticeably temperature change. BTW - when do some of the mysteries start unraveling? Next chapter. But more keep building up. Ang

 

 

Re: Ch. 10 - Proof

I want to see more of Finduilas and Denethor, of course, but I probably don't need to say that. She missed not seeing more of Wren and Lark, Mallor and Mairen, and most of all Aiavalë. She missed not seeing more? Shouldn't that be, she missed seeing them? That's all. I await mystery-unravelling most eagerly.

 

 

Re: Ch. 10 - Proof

Obnoxiously, I have another question. (I was working on a Thorongil fic myself, and was interested in how you've interpreted the timeline, so I took note of this.) From chapter 1: ‘The captain presented himself at Edoras sometime in 2957, offering his sword. Thengel was glad to have him, the Mark having been left in great disarray by his sire, Fengel. According to the King, Thorongil appeared as though by chance when Thengel had none to order East Emnet and the Wold against orc incursions from the Brown Lands in the years immediately after he took the throne. Thorongil spent eleven years serving Thengel, until spring of 2968, when he presented himself to the Lord Steward with Thengel’s letter.’ From this chapter: ‘These are letters I have received from King Thengel. [' {Brandir speaking}...] It was dated from the spring of 2968. Thengel’s hand was easy to read, though his statements were terse.[...] "Have a new soldier here. He came with Gandalf over Isen, but Greyhame came not to Edoras and turned north on other business . Ælric Eardstapa he has been dubbed, for he says he is homeless. Another of the Lost. I have sent him to the Wold. Perhaps he will wander again." ??

 

 

Re: Ch. 10 - Proof

Ah, a very technical problem known as a big fat hairy typo. %-) In my accurate timeline, Aragorn enters Thengel's service in 2957, and then comes to Gondor in 2968. He remains there until 2980 and the defet of the Corsairs. The date on Thengel's letter to Brandir *should* have been 2958, not 2968. Thanks for all the typos and inconsistency catching across the chapters. I really appreciate it. When I post the next chapter, I will also post typo corrections. The next chapter has several extended scenes with Denethor & Finduilas, never fear, as well as some more Thorongil, Luinil, and Beregar. Off to make more typos, Ang

 

 

Re: Ch. 10 - Proof

Thanks for all the typos No, thank you. ;) I've been having fun. Picking nits gives me an excuse to read the thing again. extended scenes with Denethor & Finduilas Yay!! I still think the most moving moment in this whole story is how touched Denethor is when Finduilas tells him she considers him a much greater friend than Thorongil. He doesn't even lust after her, he just is close to so few people that it really makes a difference to him. I just love that. Off to make more typos, Yay!!!! (<-- is psyched.)

 

 

Re: Ch. 10 - Proof

Picking nits gives me an excuse to read the thing again. I will not take that as a free pass to forego proof-reading. ;-) I still think the most moving moment in this whole story is how touched Denethor is when Finduilas tells him she considers him a much greater friend than Thorongil. He doesn't even lust after her, he just is close to so few people that it really makes a difference to him. I just love that. It came as a surprise to me, too. That wasn't one of the things I had planned for Finduilas to say, but she had other ideas. She *is* an incredibly kind character, which Denethor responds to on a number of levels. Aiavale loves him, and can be nice to him, but she has never shown him the kindness that Finduilas offers. I like how these two are friends before they are anything else. It provide the foundation for everything that follows. I've just wrapped up a long set of chapters on Denethor (including a 7,400 word marathon session last Sunday), and am making notes for my next set of Finduilas chapters. I have three outlined. They will cover the wedding and much of the first year of their married life. I hope to have the next chapter roughed and set down by weekend after next. Ang

 

 

Re: Ch. 10 - Proof

Hello, I was browsing through the Challenges section yesterday and this story caught my eye. I couldn't stop reading and finished all ten chapters in one day-- so much for savoring the moment! I am really impressed with your story; you have done a great job. The only story I love more is "Captain My Captain", which I have been in for the long haul! It was refreshing to stroll up to a story with ten chapters. I love the dynamics of Denethor and the humanity you lend him, which peeks through his seemingly heartless facade. You will be happy to know that I even read the political passages. I tend to skim through them and skip ahead to the drama. Congrats on a great story and I am excited to know that there will be many more chapters to look forward to in the future. Your story is so amazing, my short attention span ravished muse might even compose something... Looking forward, Lady of Tremaine

 

 

Re: Ch. 10 - Proof

How did I miss your post? I'm so sorry for not replying, please forgive my inattention. I couldn't stop reading and finished all ten chapters in one day-- so much for savoring the moment! I am really impressed with your story; you have done a great job. Music to the writer's soul! I'm glad you are enjoying it so much, and I hope you will continue to find it to your taste. It was refreshing to stroll up to a story with ten chapters. It gets much longer. Trust me. I just wrapped up the rough version of chapter 31 last night. I love the dynamics of Denethor and the humanity you lend him, which peeks through his seemingly heartless facade. Ah, he's getting to you, too, is he? Denethor constantly surprises me with his sudden flashes of vulnerability, humor, kindness, and love. I couldn't stand to be around a character this long if there wasn't something like that to find and explore. I start from the presumption that he is a good man, as we see in his sons and in the people he leads in Minas Tirith. The quote from Moby Dick that opens chapter 1 captures it, I think. I try to see an Ahabian character as he would have been before a huge part of him had been torn away. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment on HotK. I should have another chapter out this week, and will try to be posting more regularly through the summer. Ang

 

 

Re: Ch. 10 - Proof

Sigh. When I have a really awful day at work, you seem to be the one who profits. I'm back on typo hunt because I'm too mad to do anything else. While Thorongil lead some Rohirrim south, Brandir had taken the remainder, "lead" should be "led". That's all my fine-tooth comb can still find in here. ... I do feel a bit better, though.

 

 

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