Forum: Fileg's stories

Discussing: All These Wore Wings

All These Wore Wings

[Message removed]

 

 

Re: All These Wore Wings

Loved Starlight's painting, love this vignette. You always get the tone of this relationship so beautifully.

“Why are you letting your boats go free?” he asked. “Once Anduin carries them away, you won’t even know what happened to them.”

“That’s the point of the story,” Faramir replied, still watching the water. They’re boats – they have to sail away. You can’t ever know where they have gone, can you?”


*sigh* lovely foreshadowing.

 

 

Re: All These Wore Wings

*sigh* lovely foreshadowing.

That's for sure...

Tay, there are so many places where you connect with this story: to Starlight's lovely painting; to the relationship Tolkien spoke of when he wrote in the appendicies about the Stewards; to the heartbeaking events in LotR, of course; to your own Breathe; to your beloved ranger ...

The list could go on and on.

BTW I approve the changes in the *stage directions.*

~Nessime


 

 

Re: All These Wore Wings

This was beautiful, Tay. Very nice and gentle, and very much the brothers Mir.

I agree about the foreshadowing. It's lovely and subtle.

Also loved the last line - I didn’t make soldiers this time; I made boats. He's focussed - you have to say that for him

 

 

Re: All These Wore Wings

I thought I left a review for this on SoA, but maybe it didn't work.

I also loved the foreshadowing, especially thinking of 'Breathe'. They are very much in character, you can see them both as children and also, as Boromir noted, the glimpses of the adults they become. I really liked this description of Faramir: Boromir had a fleeting glimpse of the man he would be, still a dreamer but never deceived by his dreams.

 

 

Re: All These Wore Wings

Thank you all for reading this. I was more unsure about it than anything I have written for awhile, partly because I knew before I started that I was going to tell a skewed version of the Fall of Gondolin, and though it worked in my head to have our Young Raven fixate on the fall of a white city, I was worried about attempting it when the canon police have been on the prowl. How annoyed that makes me with myself ! A few good smacks and Faramir was dictating, as usual.


I have been thinking so much about Tuor lately; his story gives me so many places to overlay with the places I write. I noticed him in the Silmarillion, but recently (when I was writing Slouching Toward Gondolin) Jim convinced me to read the Books of Lost Tales. I have always liked the Silmarillion stories, but they seem so... clean. Stripped back. I think Christopher Tolkien was afraid to touch his father's work in the beginning, and handled everything with white gloves. The BoLT versions have lots of conflicting information, but the language, the stories and the details Rock! Ah Tuor... why do I feel so much Faramir in you? (And now I must wrestle with my image of movie!Boromir, the golden hero who falls defending -- and Glorfindle.)

I cannot read about Gondolin, its seven gates and white walls, its watchtower of Minas Tirith, its spiritual nearness to the great river, its ruler who refused to be persuaded... and a dozen other parallels... without thinking of Gondor. I could not imagine that my!Faramir, reading it as history, would not also be struck. I could see his young eye being drawn over and over to the chapter heading -- The Fall Of Gondolin -- until he found a way to renew his personal belief that something survives. (Or maybe I am imposing myself, growing up in the Cold War.)



I had a comment on how many contractions I used in this piece. I know there is a school that says "never" for Tolkien fic. Do you find them distracting? Natural sounding dialog means more to my own ear than rules. They were quite intentional here, and taking them out would pull me out of my voice (and voice is all I have going for my writing - action is certainly not going to happen! I write for the joy of the words - and to feel connected to the light of Faramir's heart) but I hoped I was using them here as a reflection of what Tolkien does himself, to show culture and connection. I am showing a private conversation between two (don't listen, Blade!) small boys who have an intense and familiar relationship. I used casual speech to show that. I don't think either boy would be so careless as to speak that way in the court, or to their father.



Sailing To Byzantium Do you have a shorter name? LOL! Did you take it for the Robert Silverberg story or the William Butler Yeats poem? (I love both. I want to be Robin Williamson or WB Yeats when I grow up!)

Thank you for your lovely words. I didn't realize I had trademarks yet, let alone such fine ones. Praise generally makes me want to hide under the couch and hope no one figures out what a fraud I am, writing stories that have no story.

Foreshadowing does run rampant in my work. I generally hear my stories in Faramir's voice, and I can't help peeking ahead. (I think I am trying to reassure myself that he will be all right) I love symbols, and parallels and rearranging the puzzle pieces to see a different picture.


Flick, my evil twin -- I have been thinking about our story idea; I will write you a real note about that when my family goes back to Oregon.

There was so much blatant pointing at parallels in this (Far and his sword-maiden, Blade and the boat that knows the way home, a child almost being fed into the fire, the fall of the White City and all its so familiar pieces, etc...) That I was worried that nothing would have an impact. I am glad to find them working after all.

Nessime: Thanks for grammar maven aid. Actually, I was afraid I was making too many connections in this and cut it very much back (To the relief of Chris who I think may have been surprised to find there was a story hiding under my Gondolin notes) The hardest one for me was to let myself tie it to Breathe, but in the end I could not let go of it.

Acacea He is focused. I find his strength of will apparant no matter how young I write him, But here, what I am hoping to say is that he not only is spreading his own wings, seeing himself in a new way and getting Blade to see him that way too - he does not want to think about soldiers in relation to the two of them. He already knows what they will eventually have to do - he is focused on not loosing hope in the doing. He is in the middle of a step where he is both just too old -- and too young-- for soldiers.

Elvenesse I did get your review in the mail, but not at SoA. I know they had some server problems this weekend, and I also moved my notes into the main story - we might have been posting at the same time.

I am especially pleased that you like the description of Faramir as dreamer. When I wrote it, I felt I had given him something real, by giving that to Blade.



And thank you all for not crying "Not Again" when I put the Mir Boys in the River with boats. It really was Starlight's fault this time. Who could resist that painting...

And thank you, Starlight. I find that having this story in the arc makes Peace Like A River seem stronger to me.


--fileg

 

 

Re: All These Wore Wings

I didn't read this when it went up because I thought 'I don't read Boromir and Faramir' yet I keep doing it, so I decided to read it on the strength of everyone's comments here.

And I'm very glad I did! I do like the interaction between the brothers - their age difference and their experiences makes them unique in that way. When Boromir was thinking about (not) falling into the river I was thinking about Breathe.

All in all, I thought it was a lovely explanation of what was going on in the picture. I knew very little about Gondolin and its fall, but thanks to Faramir I now know something!


Nic

 

 

Re: All These Wore Wings

I had a comment on how many contractions I used in this piece.

Tay, I would ordinarily agree that the use of contractions is out of place in Tolkien's world, except perhaps with Hobbits, and I'm not even certain about them. I could never imagine an Elf using a contraction, for instance.

But you were writing two young boys, intimate with one another and removed from the rigid formality of their father's court. I can see in retrospect how the informality of the language helped me feel the intimacy between them and that distance, both physical and emotional, from their father. That's why I didn't even bring it up when I read your draft. The contractions didn't jump off the page, shouting that they didn't belong there; they blended in, naturally and unobtrusively IMO.

Tay wrote:
...I was afraid I was making too many connections in this and cut it very much back (To the relief of Chris who I think may have been surprised to find there was a story hiding under my Gondolin notes) The hardest one for me was to let myself tie it to Breathe, but in the end I could not let go of it.

That all added to the depth of the story for me. Again, those connections didn't jump off the page, announcing their presence; they simply existed as part of these complex characters whom we know and love. One wouldn't have had to be familiar with Breathe to grasp the intimation that Boromir might not swim very well, yet those of us who know the earlier story could read that and smile knowingly. It's the same with the subtleties of connecting our fanfiction with Tolkien's writings - those who are intimate with the Professor's works can see the connections, but those who aren't should still be able to enjoy the story if the the writer has constructed it well enough. IMO you did just that with All Those Bore Wings.

BTW I have to add that I was taken back to the days when my own two jewels would tell each other stories - some of them quite imaginative. The image stuck with me for some time after.

~Nessime

PS - ask Chris if you can read David's chapter re: plot. I believe you'll discover you've more than you know.

 

 

Re: All These Wore Wings

I was worried about attempting it when the canon police have been on the prowl. How annoyed that makes me with myself ! A few good smacks and Faramir was dictating, as usual.

Good! "Never give up, never surrender." Oops... wrong fandom.

Do you find them distracting? Natural sounding dialog means more to my own ear than rules. They were quite intentional here, and taking them out would pull me out of my voice (and voice is all I have going for my writing - action is certainly not going to happen! I write for the joy of the words - and to feel connected to the light of Faramir's heart) but I hoped I was using them here as a reflection of what Tolkien does himself, to show culture and connection.

I didn't even note it,so it seemed very natural to me. I agree with you about the difference between 'court speech' and casual speech, and I think that would apply to children especially.

 

 

Re: All These Wore Wings

Thank you all for reading this. I was more unsure about it than anything I have written for awhile, partly because I knew before I started that I was going to tell a skewed version of the Fall of Gondolin, and though it worked in my head to have our Young Raven fixate on the fall of a white city, I was worried about attempting it when the canon police have been on the prowl. How annoyed that makes me with myself ! A few good smacks and Faramir was dictating, as usual.

And, please, don't ever stop listening to his voice! I'm glad you attempted it. You know I was totally unprepared for this story in Raven's mouth, and the more I think about it, the more I understand why he needs it. Thank you for giving him (and me) this moment.

I will write more thoughts, I promise (I have so many!) Thank you for giving me this.

Starlight

 

 

Re: All These Wore Wings

Nic: Thanks for reading. I will have to get around to young Aragorn eventually, to pay you back for all the Brothers Mir.

Nessime: Thanks for your serious beta/grammar help. I did take most of your suggestions! I am glad the tone of this seems to work.

I was taken back to the days when my own two jewels would tell each other stories - some of them quite imaginative
My brother is eleven years younger than me. When he was small, I used to ask him to explain random things to me, just to hear what he would come up with.

Flick:Good! "Never give up, never surrender." Oops... wrong fandom.
LOL! I don't think that sentiment could ever be wrong. And a little Alan Rickman is always good for the soul.

I didn't even note it,so it seemed very natural to me. I agree with you about the difference between 'court speech' and casual speech, and I think that would apply to children especially.
Yay! That's what I am reaching for.

Starlight: By the time we hear from you again, you will be Mrs Starlight! (Or will Louis be Mr Starlight?) Congratulations!! I suppose I will have to see if I can't manage something a little more romantic than this.

Thanks for your lovely picture. I am glad the story works for you. I love to let the strength of the raven peek through.

--fileg

 

 

Re: All These Wore Wings

Hang on, just before I start..
Flick:Good! "Never give up, never surrender." Oops... wrong fandom.
LOL! I don't think that sentiment could ever be wrong. And a little Alan Rickman is always good for the soul.


YES! I love Galaxy Quest - heck I want to write fanfic for the mythical show, GQ - and I took tjhose words as my banner and creed in the darkest of days on a forum far, far, away.... ;-)

Now, to get back on track... ;-)

I read this the day you posted it - just holidays sloth meant it took me this long to get fingers to keyboard in a useful fashion ;-)

Where will I start? It's lovely - I love the foreshadowing, the link to Breathe, the undemonstrative and understated love between the boys, the naturalness of their relationship, the way our expectations are reversed when Faramir turns out to see himself as Tuor... There are some particularly gorgeos moments -
*He stopped and brought his finger to his mouth, the gesture reminding Boromir of a younger Faramir, biting unconsciously at his thumb when he was frightened.
*a warrior with a great fate and his dark, serious elfin “brother.”
*They’re boats – they have to sail away.
*I didn’t make soldiers this time; I made boats."

What I love most about this story is Faramir - he is so real and so wonderfully drawn. I can both believe in him as real child and see in him our!Faramir (it's nice, ti share, you know). Whar I love about him here is that he is at that stage where children are balanced between reality and fantasy - he has the foresight and maturity to wait for the right weather and to organise his work, yet he's baby enough to play with boats and to be in his own world with them. He's working on his own solid if odd to a grown-up logic - boats are meant to float away, I made boats not soldiers. He's just adorable ;-)

Some minor typos etc I noticed:

a confidant, fearless look on his face. confident?
teeth as he pulled the next sail taught. taut
Faramir replied, still watching the water. They’re boats - you need a " before the They're
“I seem to remember that Tuor and Voronwë had many adventures together,” he said “
We will, too.
spacing?

Cheers,

Avon

 

 

In Forums

Discussion Info

Intended for: General Audience

This forum is open to all HASA members. It is closed to the general public.

Membership on HASA is free and it takes only a few minutes to join. If you would like to participate, please click here.

« Back to Fileg's stories