Filk Fest 2005!

Anything You Can Do...

1. Anything You Can Do...

   
   
   
"Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better"
(Based on the song of the same name from Annie Get your Gun)

Gimli: Anything you can do, I can do better.
I can do anything better than you.
Legolas: No, you can't.
Gimli: Yes, I can.
Legolas: No, you can't.
Gimli: Yes, I can.
Legolas: No, you can't.
Gimli: Yes, I can, yes I can!

Any count you can make, I can make greater
Sooner or later, I'm greater than you.
Legolas: No, you can't.
Gimli: Yes, I can.
Legolas: No, you can't.
Gimli: Yes, I can.
Legolas: No, you can't.
Gimli: Yes, I can, yes I can!
Helm's Deep: "Two already!"
Legolas: I had twenty, shooting steady
Gimli: Twenty-one! (Pardon my smirk)
Legolas: Twenty-four, with knife-work.
Gimli: My final tally: forty-two.
Legolas: One more than me?
Gimli:Yes!
Legolas: Aiee!
(Gimli: In the movie, forty-three!)

Gimli: Anything you can say, I can say sweeter -
I can speak with more eloquence than you!
Legolas: No, you can't.
Gimli: Yes, I can.
Legolas: No, you can't.
Gimli: Yes, I can.
Legolas: No, you can't.
Gimli: Yes, I can, yes, I can!
Here, look: *pulls out The Return of the King, flips to "The Road to Isengard"* - 'And Legolas, when the torches are kindled and men walk on the sandy floors under the echoing domes, ah! then, Legolas, gems and crystals and veins of precious ores glint in the polished walls, and the light glows through folded marbles, shell-like, translucent as the living hands of Queen Galadriel….' Heard enough?
Legolas: Well, I -
Gimli: Wait! Here's you on the same topic: (*flips to "Many Partings"*) - '…And when they returned Legolas was silent, and would only say that Gimli alone could find fit words to speak of [the Caves].'
There, you said it yourself!
Pretty sad for an Elf.

Legolas: I was being polite.
I thought the Caves were a fright.

Gimli growls

Gimli: Anyone you can peeve, I can peeve moreso -
I can be far more annoying than you!
Legolas: No, you can't.
Gimli: Yes, I can.
Legolas: No, you can't - wait, book or movie?
Gimli (thinks fast): Movie.
Legolas: All right, let's see.
*clicks play *
"Have you heard nothing Lord Elrond has said?..." Boromir glares.
Gimli: Oh, c'mon! I can take you!
*clicks play*
"Ishkhaqwi ai durugnul."
*switches discs*
Gimli: "You give me your name, horsemaster…"
Legolas (defensive): I was on the last nerve of poor Boromir!
Gimli (smug):But you didn't almost get poked by a spear.
Legolas: Oh, fine.
Gimli: You annoyed me at Elrond's Council, if it makes you feel better…

Any smile you can get, I can get bigger -
I provide more comic relief that you!
Legolas: No y - Book or movie?
Gimli (with confidence): Either.
Legolas (thinking he's got him): Book!
Gimli: *flips back to "The Road to Isengard* 'You rascals! You woolly-footed and wool-pated truants! A fine hunt you have led us! Two hundred leagues, through fen and forest, battle and death, to rescue you! And here we find you feasting and idling - and smoking! Smoking! Where did you come by the weed, you villains? Hammer and tongs! I am so torn between rage and joy, that if I do not burst, it will be a marvel!' 'You speak for me, Gimli,' laughed Legolas - - There, see? And that's not even my best material.
Legolas: Hmph.
Gimli: Wait, I can find better!
Legolas: That's all right - I concede.

Gimli (now a little overconfident): Anything you can see I can see better -
I have the eyes of a hawk, don't you know.
Legolas: No, you don't.
Gimli: Yes, I do!
Legolas: No, you don't.
Gimli: Yes, I do!
Legolas: No, you don't.
Gimli: Yes, I do, yes I do!
See, it says right here… *flips through pages* um… Wait, maybe it was…
Legolas (takes book away, flips pages): *finds "The Riders of Rohan"* Said Legolas, 'There are one hundred and five [Riders]. Yellow is their hair, and bright are their spears. Their leader is very tall… the riders are … five leagues distant.
Gimli (blustering): Well - how could you tell the leader was so tall if he was on horseback?
*Legolas just smiles*

Gimli (the light of battle in his eye): Any fans you can win, I can win also - I've as big a fan-following as you!
Legolas: No, you don't.
Gimli: Yes, I do!
Legolas: No, you don't.
Gimli: Yes, I do!
Legolas: No, you don't!
Gimli: Yes, I do, yes I do!
It's true, you don't see many Dwarf fan-girls - and in fact, they are so alike in voice and appearance that they are often mistaken for Elf fangirls! Which is, of course, ridiculous…
Legolas: Dream on, axe-boy.

Legolas: I can talk to any tree.
Gimli: My good friend, better you than me.
I can build whatever!
Legolas: I can live forever!
Gimli: I can list all my forebears!
Legolas: I can *meet* most of my forebears…
Gimli: I can grow a beard!
Legolas: On me that would look weird.
Gimli: I can do most anything!
Legolas (sarcastically): Can you fly?
Gimli: Well, no, but my father did … (In The Hobbit - on eagleback)
Legolas: I'm a good deal taller.
Gimli: I'm a better brawler.
Legolas: Weather or toil's no object -
My hair's always perfect.
Gimli: "Pretty"'s not in my lexicon -
That's why I keep my helmet on…
Legolas: When I'd like a rest
I'll take a ship into the West.
Gimli: On that note, you've won -
That beats all, bar none!
Legolas: Wait, don't get me wrong -
You'll be coming along!
Both: Anything I can do, you can do with me -
And sail off into the sunset at last!

This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.

   
   
   

In Challenges

Story Information

Author: Aerlinn

Status: General

Completion: Complete

Rating: General

Last Updated: 07/28/05

Original Post: 07/28/05

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