1. Sucking Eggses
~ Riddles in the Dark, The Hobbit
“A box without hinges,” so he asks us, yes precious: “A box without hinges, key, or lid. Yet golden treasure inside is hid.” Treasure... We had a golden treasure once, yes, we did, long ages ago; we found it by the river. We still have it. The Precious, gollum, yes... But does he know?
Of course not. Does we keep it in a box? No, of course not. We keep it hid, no nasty boxes for the Precious. We keep it in our hands, or on the island, far, far away. Not in a box, not with nasty hinges, or without them. But what then, precious, what then? What does it mean, a box without hinges?
We had a box once, long ago, long ages ago, before we found the Precious. A special box for rocks, and for birds’ nests, and bones from fisheses, and string, and many things; many, many other things, precious. Yes, we had many things then. We would go and play in the fields, and by the river, and find things to put in the box with hinges in our room. Our room, precious… we had one of those once. No nasty cave, no island to hide on, no orcses to the left, orcses to the right…
Yes, precious, orcses, orcses everywhere. You should be happy for your hole, away from the nasty faces, the white face and the yellow face, so bright, so cruel.
But, precious, they were not so cruel once. We remember. We had a room, and a window, in the hole by the river. And we had brothers, and cousins, and grandmother -- she was nice, precious, nice to us, always so nice --
Lies! They called us murderer! Thief! They told us to go far, far away…
But that was later, precious, yes, much later. After we found it. Before that we were happy -- happy with Grandmother, and with our cousins, and with the sons of the big people. They lived there, too, the tall men with their tall houses and their strange ways. And some of them were mean, yes, but some were nice to poor Smeagol. Haldad was nice, yes, taught us where to find birds nests, and where to find …
Yes, precious, so nice, so kind, always helping us by getting us in trouble. What did they say, what did Grandmother say when we brought her them?
She was busy, very busy, getting ready for the big party. She wanted nuts, sent us out with the nice, big basket to find them for her, and when we came back…
She yelled at us, precious, she yelled at us. Sent us back out for nutses.
But she was busy, so busy. Cousins were coming, and there were pies to bake, and rooms to clean. Was… was a party, precious, and it had a name. What was its name, precious? We remembers the cousins, and the fire, we remembers the nuts and the pies and the songs. Yule! Yule it was called, precious, yes, Yule!
She was mean! Called us names!
No, precious. Later, that next week all the cousins were gone, and she came with us. You remember. Grandmother, she came down to the river, and we showed her how, showed her how Haldad had shown us. Was good luck, Haldad said, good luck to suck them at Yule, before the new year. What were they called, precious? We took the needle and punched the hole, yes we did, then sucked it out, and washed it down with cold milk, nice cold milk.
No, no, no! Nasty, nasty eggses...
Eggses! That’s what it was called, precious. Eggses. Nice and yellow. That’s it precious! Eggses! Box without hinges, golden treasure inside. Eggses, precious! Nasty Bagginses tries to tricks us, precious, but we remember, we guesses the answer: eggses!
This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.