Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

Comfort Me Not With Cookies

2. Part The Second

Serena notices that Boromir is troubled. She learns that the Ring is tempting him. Thanks to her tea and sympathy and cookies, Boromir does not succumb to temptation and never tries to grab the Ring. He dies anyway, because Serena is too busy protecting Legolas from the Uruk-hai to notice that Boromir is in trouble. Serena blames herself, and thinks that her love for Legolas is Doomed.

Faramir sees his brother’s body in the boat, and realizes Boromir is dead. He weeps and cannot be comforted, though Damrod, Mablung and Anborn and twenty other Rangers and even the cat try their best to console their blue-eyed Captain. Faramir weeps even harder when, after he tells Denethor of Boromir’s death, Denethor beats him with the White Rod, mumbling about sparing the rod and spoiling the child. Anborn picks Faramir off the floor and carries him back to Henneth Annun.

Eventually, Faramir and the Rangers stumble across Sam and Frodo and Gollum. Faramir is briefly tempted by The Ring, but thinks of his brave brother and Serena, and resists temptation. He sends the three travelers off with a basket of Serena’s stale cookies, a six-pack, and a bottle of his strawberry-scented shampoo.

Gandalf comes to Minas Tirith with Pippin. Faramir returns from overrun Osgiliath with his surviving Rangers. Mablung is dead, but Faramir doesn’t have a chance to cry over him before Denethor calls him on the carpet. Actually, the floor is marble, but who cares. Denethor sends Faramir out on a suicide mission; Faramir is so depressed he barely protests, and gets all of his men killed. But the orcs think he’s too cute to kill, at least immediately - not even Sauron’s Finest are immune to the charm of Faramir’s pouty lower lip. They toy fiendishly with him before sending him and his horse back, in perforated condition, to the City.

Denethor decides it’s time to have another nervous breakdown; and retreats to the White Tower with poor unconscious Faramir.

Meanwhile, back at Edoras, Serena helped persuade Theoden to muster the Rohirrim and ride to Gondor’s aid. She and her new best friend Eowyn take Merry and join the Riders. They reach the Pelennor Field and start the battle. Eowyn tries to fight the Witch-King, but breaks a fingernail and faints with the horror. Merry and Serena finish off Angmar.

Denethor takes feverish Faramir to the hallows, and sets up the pyre. Pippin runs for Gandalf’s help, and brings him back just as Denethor sets the wood afire . Pippin pushes the slightly toasted Faramir off the pyre. Faramir awakens in time to call for his supposed father and see Denethor catch on fire. Overcome with emotion (and the thought of the bill for the therapy he‘s going to need for the rest of his life), Faramir loses consciousness. Denethor burns.

Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli and the green dead guys arrive via Umbari Cruise Lines and mop up the Pelennor. Gandalf drafts Aragorn for medical duty in the Houses of Healing, where Faramir is sinking fast and Eowyn and Merry aren’t doing too well either. Serena comforts Eomer, who is depressed from the death of his uncle and the condition of his sister. Eomer starts to fall in love with Serena, who has revealed herself as a woman.

Aragorn is finally reunited with the man he believes is his son. But Faramir doesn’t look anything like him or anyone in his family. Faramir hails Aragorn as King and also asks if he could be his father. When Aragorn says no, Faramir weeps. Since Boromir and all the Rangers are dead, Faramir has lost his usual hurt-comfort support staff. Suddenly, Hurin of the Keys appears. He wasn’t in the movie, but is some kind of official in the book. He blushes as he tells Faramir and Gandalf how, 36 years ago, Denethor had locked Finduilas up in the highest room of the White Tower to force her to wear black leather, and had sent Hurin (who has the Keys, remember?) to check on her and bring her something to eat. Hurin checked her out thoroughly and stayed the night, since the lady was begging for comfort. Faramir was born exactly eight months later. Hurin reveals a star-shaped birthmark that he has on his shoulder - surprise, Faramir has the exact same one. Ioreth confirms that Finduilas told her, while Faramir was being born (Ioreth was the midwife), that Hurin of the Keys was the father of her second son.

Aragorn heals Eowyn, who is emotionally depressed from the loss of her fingernail and her uncle; and Merry. Then he takes everyone who’s still standing and not depressed and heads out to challenge Sauron at the Black Gate and divert the Eye from the Ringbearer. Serena comes along in her armor and kills a troll before it can finish squashing Aragorn. While Frodo, Sam and Gollum play Ring Toss, Eomer and Legolas get shirty over who has a better right to court Serena between battles.

Faramir and Eowyn comfort each other in the Houses of Healing so well that by the time Aragorn returns to the City to be crowned, Eowyn is in a delicate condition and she and Faramir must plan their wedding. Faramir bonds with his real father. Hurin of the Keys is possibly the dullest man in Minas Tirith; but he’s not abusive; thinks Faramir is wonderful, and takes him fishing on the Anduin.

On returning to the City, Legolas and Serena figure out how to restore the dead White Tree to life with elf-magic. Legolas falls thoroughly in love with her. Oh bliss, oh rapture. Serena charms Thranduil, who’s in town to kid his old rival Elrond about the Evenstar slumming with a scruffy mortal. Thrandy just loves Serena’s cookies and they make plans to open up a lembas bakery in Minas Tirith. Eomer and Gimli console each other.

There’s a triple wedding at Midsummer in Minas Tirith: Aragorn and Arwen, Faramir and Eowyn, and Legolas and Serena. Elrond reveals that Serena’s unhappy mother was actually the legendary Mithrellas, an elf-maiden who missed the boat and had a habit of getting lost. So Serena can choose to be an elf or a mortal. She happily chooses immortality with Legolas - wouldn’t you?

This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.


In Challenges

Story Information

Author: Raksha

Status: Beta

Completion: Complete

Rating: Adult

Last Updated: 08/21/04

Original Post: 08/20/04

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