Here’s a little diddy that came into my head while I was researching the Palantíri and thinking about what they were, how they worked, and who got to use them way too much. Hope someone gets a laugh out of it.
Outline for: “Round the (Anduín River) Bend”
- Fourth Age fic set in Gondor humorously exploring the fate of the Osgiliath-stone Palantír.
- Aragorn, now King Elessar, reinstates the periodic inspections of the Palantíri by himself or his appointed proxy.
- In this case, his proxy is Faramir as he is now the lawful Steward of Gondor
- Conversation on Faramir’s right and ability to use the Palantíri; Aragorn reassures Faramir (major WAFF).
- Faramir looks into the Anor-stone (in the Tower of Ecthelion) and communes with a creature claiming to be the King of the Porpoises.
- KoP says “his people” are under attack from the men of Dol Amroth.
- KoP demands to speak with Aragorn
- Puzzled, Faramir goes a-researchin’.
o Finds references to loss of Osgiliath-stone
o Finds also part of a speech made by King Eldacar; “the Osgiliath-stone is now the dominion of what creature of the waters that may one day have the wit to use it.” Obviously it was made in bitter jest, but it carried the weight of a proclamation.
- Faramir once again speaks to KoP over the Palantíri, KoP once again demands to speak to Elessar
- Faramir goes to Aragorn with what he knows
o Aragorn expresses sheer disbelief over the situation
- Conversation between Steward and King; what’s to stop them from wiping out the KoP? How could this insanity have happened? Why not simply rescind Eldacar’s “proclamation” so KoP can’t use the stone?
o Turns out KoP is using Osgiliath-stone to protect “his people” from oncoming predators; it would be just plain mean-spirited of them.
- Faramir convinces Aragorn to speak with KoP
o Conversation on differences between dolphins and porpoises; Faramir corrects Aragorn several times.
- Aragorn speaks with KoP and averts a sea-side crisis... of sorts...
I, Berzerker_prime, hereby wash my hands of any and all fanficcing rights to this story. Further more, I hereby declare that such a story, although entirely too-well-researched and entirely plausible in many ways, is simply too far out there for even me to actually write. As such, it shall not be written by me.
This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.