International Legolas Month Song Parody Palooza

Hair (inevitably)

1. Hair (inevitably)

He asks me why I'm such a perfect guy.
I'm well-groomed noon and night; hair that's a delight.
I'm fragrant high and low,
Don't ask me why; don't know!
'Tis not that I've not tried
To look like I just died - but I'm

Stuck with this darn hair, long beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen.
'Tis even down to there, hair!
Shoulder length, longer (hair!)
Here baba, there nana, everywhere ada ada

Hair! (hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair)
Tied it, dyed it;
Still he can't abide it, my hair!

I let it fly in the breeze and get caught in the trees
But still I can't get fleas in my hair.
No home for fleas, or hive for bees,
Or nest for birds, still there ain't no words
For the beauty, the splendour, the wonder of my

Hair! (hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair)
Tied it, dyed it;
Still he can't abide it, my hair!

He wants it sweat-wet, knotted, rotted,
Snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty,
Oily, greasy, manky, skanky,
Not gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen,
Not well-tended, unsplit-ened; twisted, beaded, braided;
Coiffeured, buffered and untangled,
Cleaned, preened, moon-sheened and star-spangled.

O-oh, say can you see by my hair's golden gleam?
Then it's still too clean!
Radiant here, radiant there,
Radiant where ... you know I swear
It washes itself!
Doo doo doo doo doot-doot doo doo doot

The girls go astro-runic
When they see me in my tunic
My tunic made of blond, brilliant, Noldorin-style hair.
My hair like Finrod wore it
Oh why can't he adore it?
Oh just like Beren loved him once*
Why don't my Ranger love me?

Hair! (hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair)
Tied it, dyed it;
Still he can't abide it, my hair!

* * * * *

Author's note:

*This is canonically incorrect, of course. It is just wishful thinking on the part of the lovelorn elf.

The tune and lyric can be found here

This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.


In Challenges

Story Information

Author: Alawa

Status: General

Completion: Complete

Rating: General

Last Updated: 06/11/04

Original Post: 06/11/04

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