Writing Mary Sue


6. Chauvinistic Elf Boy Rides Again

Disclaimer: Still have that hideous fish, a secretive ranger and a bag of corn chips.
A/N:'this is thoughts'  
Thank you my lovely reviewers I have  cookies for you.
Chauvinistic Elf Boy Rides Again
        They had finally made camp in Hollin. It had been a weeks trek, but all seemed to go semi – smooth, considering. Fire had been getting along pretty well with Legolas since the night she had sung the songs of her homeland to him, but, alas, with typical male grace he pulled up his leg and shoved his foot straight into his mouth, rendering the truce forfeit. Even sadder was the fact, with almost blind arrogance, he did not see the error of his way. The rest of the company watched the proceedings, with a mixture of horror and amusement, unfold over the three day journey to this particular campsite.
          Gimli was the most amused of the company and his barely concealed mirth did nothing to alleviate the tension between the elf and ranger. Watching the ranger demolish the elven emotional control was the highlight of this, so far, tedious trip. The verbal battle of wills, between the two, had been at such a high level that the Dwarf  had hardly a chance to annoy the elf. Gimli had also become much closer to the ranger as the days wore on and it was not uncommon to find ranger and Dwarf laughing and sharing a meal. Sometimes it was hard to figure out if the death glares sent in their direction was for the ranger, the Dwarf, or both.
          Fire quietly contemplated the stars as she lounged comfortably against a large rock. All had been peaceful on scouting duty and it looked to be uneventful again tomorrow. Smiling slightly, she thought back to the unspoken truce that was forged two nights before. After the verbal battle she had with the elf  before she went to heal, Fire was sure they could never speak to each other without arguing. It was a nice surprise to find the elf, so wrapped up in her song, just a branch below her. The quiet sharing of words and song had given her hope that they could at least tolerate each other on the long journey ahead. Looking back from the stars, towards camp, the ranger spied Legolas moving in her direction carrying two plates of food. Smiling her thanks, Fire began to eat from the plate the elf handed to her.
Nearly choking and trying to decide if her ears had too much wax in them, Fire set her plate down gently. "Excuse me, did I just hear you say I should not worry about doing any scouting, because there might be danger ahead and you will take over MY scouting duties so I may be better protected within the company?" Giving his best 'I am male I know better' chauvinistic elf smile, Legolas plunged straight to his doom with all the ignorance of the village idiot.
Happy that Fire was taking it so well, Legolas the Doomed continued to dig a bigger and much deeper hole in which to bury himself in. "Obviously, I am always prepared for any potential danger that may arise and am a much better warrior because I am used to the dangers of Mirkwood. I know most rangers fight in groups, so I believe you will be more comfortable in battle if you have the protection of the Fellowship near at hand." The ranger looked at the elf before her and wondered if there was actually ANY intelligence, within the rounded object sitting on his manly shoulders; where a head with a brain, should have been. After taking a deep, deep breath to still the urge to maim, the ranger picked up her plate and carefully dumped the entire thing on his perfect golden head.
The stunned silence that followed her restrained act was almost as comical as the fair face of the idiot elf. "I had hoped for but a little intelligence from you elf boy, but I see now that even an orc would have more charm, personality and wit. I do not now or EVER need your so called help. I am neither helpless nor fragile that I should  need to be coddled within the shrunken confines of the Fellowship's company. I have traveled on my own more often then not and with so much more joy and enthusiasm then I have ever had on this confounded trip. If it was not for that overbearing wizard I would be dancing orcs to death at this very moment instead of having to listen to a witless ellon!! Now get away from me!"
Snarling in fury, Legolas bowed mockingly to Fire. "I see that any feminine qualities you should have had upon birth are completely missing and instead were replaced by the manners and grace of a rabid warg. From now on, you are on your own and if a orc should be designing to kill you, I will joyfully cheer him on!!" The elf stalked off into the woods ready to decimate anything that dared approach him. Shaking in rage, he wondered why he had even bothered to try and make her life easier. Such an unforgivable reception to his generous offer would not soon be forgotten. Glaring out at the horizon, Legolas pushed all thoughts of friendship with the irritating female over an imaginary abyss.
          The hobbits were sparring with Boromir, while the company looked on with amusement. The man had become close to the two younger ones and they with him. As they proceeded to bring Boromir down in a free for all, Legolas stared intently at the horizon. Aragorn called to him asking what it was the elf saw. The company was alerted, with great dismay, to the news of the approaching threat of Sauruman's evil bird minions. Everyone scattered grabbing packs and hiding all trace of their existence from prying eyes. Fire dove under cover, only to come face to face with the elf. Muttering a curse under her breath, the ranger wondered how bad it would be if she gave into the sudden urge to scream in frustration. 
          Legolas' first reaction was to glare at the ranger, but his second reaction nearly made him smack his head on the stone hiding them. With her face scant inches from his, the elf unexpectedly realized just how soft her lips looked. Desire poured through his body, making him achingly aware of how close they truly were. Legolas averted his eyes, after staring just a bit too long, from the ranger's tempting lips and focused on bringing his, unlooked for, lust under control. Under the guise of watching the enemy, he was slowly able to ignore his body's traitorous slide into stupidity, regain his dignity and blatantly disregard the ranger's closeness; outwardly at least.
          Fire could not believe her luck. Of all the rocks she had to hide under, it HAD to be his! Trying to be quiet, when all she wished to do was scream, made her head hurt. The closeness of the situation was not lost on her and neither was the fact that her stomach quivered as if a thousand butterflies had taken up residence. The ranger could not help her wayward thoughts as they took in the sight of the elf no more then a few inches from her face.
Trying to form a coherent thought seemed almost impossible to the usually outspoken ranger. 'Ok girl, get a grip it is only an elf!! You have seen hundreds of them, thous …. Man his eyes are blue …. Oh no NOT going there!! Why oh why does he have to have such nice …. ENOUGH !! They are just eyes get with the program here and never mind how blue they ….. like a summer sky … Out of your mind that is it! You have been driven over the edge by an elf with no brains. It is all his fault I am insane and I … damn he is looking away! …. Geez TY like you haven't seen blue eyes before … Think girl think! He is obnoxious, self centered, egotis … Damn he looked this way again …. Did he just say something? Cripes!!' Breaking free from her mental battle of wits with her stupider self, the ranger tried to sound semi normal. "What was that again? I did not catch what you said as I was thinking about something else." Legolas repeated that it was safe now. "Great, I am so glad." She replied mentally hitting her forehead. 'Oh yea I have a fully functional brain in my bag, so why did I use my defective one today?'
Thinking things could not possibly get any worse, the voice of Gandalf pierced the still air. 'Hellfire and Damnation!! Did he say we are going to climb that thing?  I hate mountains and I really, really hate snow. I listened to the sociopathic wizard again Why? Now I get to trudge up a snowy mountain with an idiot elf and half a brain. Gee I sooo love my life!'

This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for the enjoyment of Henneth Annûn Story Archive readers, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.

In Challenges

Story Information

Author: angelsfyre1

Status: Beta

Completion: Work in Progress

Rating: Adult

Last Updated: 05/15/06

Original Post: 11/04/05

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